Motherhood feelings
by Jolec
Summary: She never had the chance to be a mother and it was tearing her apart....
1. Chapter 1

The first fanfic I wrote…please tell me what you think!

Disclaimer : I own nothing..  
A/N : the thoughts of the characters are in _Italic.  
_

BENSON RESIDENCE, 11pm

She was sitting on our couch, her legs crossed under her, tears flowing down on her cheeks. She bit her lip as if it could send all her pain away.

She used to leave the precinct late but tonight she said she had to meet one of her advisors. But t was a lie.

It was her last chance.

This had been refused to her

She tried to handle it, but she could not.

She cried a long time till headache decided her to take medicine and go to bed. Maybe tomorrow the pain won't be there. Maybe tomorrow she'll get a phone call telling her there have been a big mistake, maybe…maybe she'd better not have dreamed. _You're a cop Olivia, a cop and nothing more_….she forced herself to think before sleeping.

BENSON RESIDENCE, 4am

She looked at her clock, waiting for the right time to get up to come. She could not sleep anymore. She had not really slept, just few minutes from time to time.  
She thought about all the papers she had to fill in about the last case, and being early at work could help to solve this rapidly. And maybe work could avoid thinking of yesterday. She only hopes El won't come with a big smile on his face telling her about amazing Eli is. She knows she's happy for them. Well, she thinks she is happy for them. El loves his children and she can't blame him for that. But today she would just have a day full of work and nothing else.  
She hardly get up, went to the bathroom to take a shower, get dressed and as a robot she left her flat to go to the closed the door, turned the key.

_You're a cop, Olivia, You're a cop... act as a cop, think as a cop, do not let your emotions been shown on your face, keep smiling...Let's go._

PRECINCT, 8am

El pushed the door with a big smile on his face.

He spent a nice evening at home and wanted to share the new feats of his beloved Eli with Olivia. Some weeks ago they almost recovered their special bond he liked. They could joke again and he really valued that. Their work is hard enough, they both had hard times months ago and they really needed to have a new beginning.

He so came to Liv fully in good mood and told her lively:

"Morning Liv! How are you? Did you see that the sun…" But he was cut by a Liv getting up from her chair with an impassive face. She heard him enter the room and as she heard his steps she could easily guess he was in a good mood. If El is in a good mood in the morning it is thanks to the evening he spent. _He may have had a nice evening with his kids, of course Eli or maybe he and Kat… No don't think about that or your breakfast will be spread on the floor of the office…How stupid I am…I did not have breakfast; I could not even bear the smelling of pancakes._

El: Hey Liv! What's going on?

She took a cup and filled it up with hot water.

Liv: Nothing

She placed a teabag in her cup.

El: Nothing? You're kidding? I know you, so come on…what's the matter?

She looked at him with angry eyes and passed in front of him ignoring his question. She sat at her desk and tried to going on filling the papers she had to.

He stayed there looking at her. Only the sound of someone entering the room made him move.

Fin: Hi! How are you guys?

El: Fine, thanks for asking Fin, he said looking at Liv.

She lifted her head a send a brief smile to Fin

Liv: Hi Fin

Fin stopped at his desk and turned to El with asking eyes. El just shrugged his shoulders and with a nod of his head Fin understood he did not know anything about Liv this morning.

Munch arrived few minutes later followed by Cragen.

Cragen: Morning everyone. Hope you had good rest yesterday evening…we already have a new case. I just was called. Another unit thought about a violent robbery in a house but as their Forensics came they found out that the murdered woman was raped. The main room has been devastated, it seems that there is blood on walls, in short, I want you four on the crime scene right now. Please avoid the press. I think when you'll arrive the journalists would already been there, you know it's a quiet neighbourhood, mostly inhabitants are nice families….no need to draw you a picture…what are you waiting for?

Munch: Did you receive the crystal ball I ordered last week?

Cragen: What?

Fin: Excuse him Sir, as old as he is, he still thinks his humour is great. Even if it was never the case. We need the address…

Cragen: Sorry.

He grabbed a piece of paper, wrote on it and held it out to Fin.

Cregen: Call me when you're there.

Liv: As usual!

IN FRONT OF CARPENTER HOUSE, Some minutes later.

A big crowd of neighbours stayed in front of the house, asking for details to the uniforms who hardly tried to keep some space around the house. Journalists were already in place, asking questions to people who first were shy but then proud to be on screen soon on a TV news report. Our four detectives showed their badges to everybody and made their way through the crowd.

Liv called out a detective standing in front of the house steps.

Liv: Hey you there! Could you help the uniforms to push the crowd away?

Det: Hi Beauty, sorry, it's not my job

Liv: What? It's not your job to preserve a crime scene? Your name? Your section?

Fin: Liv, it's ok, give it up, I'll fix this with him, go inside, El is waiting for you.

Liv still stared at the Det who began not to feel at ease being stared with such dark eyes.

Fin: Liv, move!

She quickly glanced at him and climbed the steps.

Det: Is she always like that?

Fin: Like what?

Det: …

Fin: Oh no! Only when she's in a good mood!

The detective stood open mouthed.

INSIDE THE CARPENTER HOUSE

Liv closed the door behind her. The crime scene was hard to look at, blood everywhere, on the couch, on the carpet, on the feet of the table. Lamps were crashed on the floor, cushions ripen, curtains torn apart, papers spread all around the room. She saw then two bodies, twisted as if they were puppets. Their clothes were torn, they were cut at different parts of their bodies, neck, legs, belly, cheeks, arms, hands…_Oh my God, they fought a lot and suffered to finally die and leave this picture of them…_

She was get out of her thoughts by screams. Baby screams. She looked at female agent coming from upstairs and asked her:

Liv: What's going on upstairs?

Agent: Oh my God he's a monster! We wanted to pick up the boy to place him in a social centre but no way! As anybody tries to approach him he screams and gives knocks!

Liv frowned: How old is he?

Agent: What we found is that he's name is Mathew and he's around 2 years old.

Liv smirked: And you are overwhelmed by a 2-year-old-monster-boy?

Agent: If you are so confident go upstairs and take him!

Liv: No thanks! I'm not a nanny, I'm a cop, I have something else to deal with.

El who was taking notes about the crime scene heard the talk between Liv and the agent. He looked at Liv and tried to get her attention but she avoided him and went to the kitchen. She began to note details when El came to her:

-Liv, don't you want to come with me upstairs to check the baby? We already had to deal with traumatized kids and maybe they don't know how to do, he said softly.

Liv: Go if you want, I have a lot of things to register here and I want to stay till the arrival of Warner.

El: Liv, you know you're great with kids, everybody has to do his best to get this boy out of here. He can't stay in his bedroom.

Liv sighed heavily and clenched teeth. _Ok, you can do that, after all, he's a victim and as a cop you have to protect the victims._

They went upstairs and entered a sweet bedroom. Wallpaper was a light blue colour with a dark blue band in the middle, separating the top and the bottom of the wall. On the top wall there were little crescents of moon and little brown teddy bears and the ceiling lamp was a star. In the middle of the room stood a little white bed and inside, the "2-year-old-monster-boy" Mathew.

An agent was trying to pick him up but Mathew screamed and did not let anyone to approach him. El stepped into his direction but the boy saw him and rejected him by a knock from his little hands. It was clear that this kid would only accept her family to touch him. He was afraid by anybody else. _Did someone freak him? Did he see someone? Something? Did he hear something?_ El got out of his thoughts and saw Liv still standing near the door. He saw her wipe some tears as she approached the boy. Words were soft:

Liv: Hey sweetheart! Calm down baby. I know you want your mother but calm down, sweetie…

One step more to him. She looked at him as he griped the board of his bed, still crying.

Liv: Shhh….sweetie, she said the more soft she could. She just smiled at him, and sat in front of him so that he could look at her in the eyes. She lifted her hand and took it on the bed near his own hand. El stayed behind her. He could see her smile at the baby and he knew this smile was full of compassion, but also pain. She told him she was turn down for an adoption but he knew there were other ways to become a mother. Even if he thought the best way for a kid to grown up is to be part of a real family with two parents, he knew sometimes one single parent is better than two always fighting. And Liv deserves to become a mother. What he saw then really made him sure of his thoughts. Mathew finally calmed down, he just sobbed as he hold his arms out to Liv. She lifted the little boy and took him in her arms. She wanted to make him feel secure. He rested his head on her and she placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

Liv: Everything will be alright now, sweetie, I promise, she muttered.

The agent Liv met downstairs came in:

Agent: Wow! I'm impressed, and you're not a nanny, mmmh?

Liv: Ok, everybody out, I need to clean the little angel and change his clothes, out!

El: Do you want me to help you?

Liv: Why? Because you are a proud father of the five most beautiful children in the world and I'm nothing more than a cop, so I do need your help to change a baby? Is it what you mean, Stabler? I have no skills?

El: …


	2. Chapter 2

She sat the little boy on the change table and began to undress him. He was quiet now and was just waiting for Liv to take care of him. She looked at him: he had brown hairs just as his father and green eyes. She softly began to clean him, always looking at this little boy who accepted her. She studied each details of his face, his little nose and chin, soft skin, little lips… Elliot was still standing near. He could not move after what she said. He could not believe she really thought what she said. He did not know how to talk to her. He wanted to say her he never doubt on her as a mother, he already told he found her great with kids, she is compassionate, careful, sweet, soft…but all he wanted to tell her did not fit with his current mood. He was mad at her for what she just said. He knew there was something wrong with her and the fact that she still denied it made him full of anger. Why the hell didn't she want to trust him? What happened? All these thoughts brought him on the verge of tears. He opened his mouth and just said with a sad voice:

El: Liv, I know you and you know it. I know there is something wrong with you but I don't know, I don't understand why you don't want to tell me. I don't know when I lost your confidence…but

Liv: You did nothing wrong El, I'm sorry.

She took new clothes from the wardrobe.

Liv: It's just…

El: …too complicated, I know you already told me that.

She sighed heavily.

Liv: I'm sorry for my behaviour.

El: I don't mind

She looked at him with tearful eyes, she opened her mouth but just bit her lower lip. She sighed again, put her hands through her hair, wiped her tears and looked at him straight:

Liv: I can't have children, El

El: What?

Liv: I had an appointment with my doctor, I thought a lot about having a child and he asked me to do some usual tests just to be sure everything would be alright…Tears were flowing down her cheeks. I did not know till now but I'm infertile, El. I learned it yesterday.

Mathew took her attention back; she wiped her tears, smiled at him. She took him in her arms:

Liv: Ready to go baby?

El stood there not believing his ears. He saw her smile at the little boy and his heart broke. He clenched his teeth as she passed near him with Mathew who found her necklaces really interesting.

She went downstairs and called for the social assistant who came to her rapidly. As Liv wanted to release Mathew to social services he shouted again. His cry made El come back to reality and he rushed down the stairs.

The situation was really hard, Liv had to going on with her job, so does the social assistant but Mathew did not agree. He was not willing to let anyone else than Liv to hold him in arms.

El turned to Liv:

El: You'd better go with Mathew to the social centre. I can finish here and then I will meet you there. Maybe with other children he would let someone else approach him. Liv, it's just…

Liv: You're right, we both know. We have to do the best for him. See you later. She smiled at him but with pain and in her mind she thanked him for not telling more.

He looked at her going with the boy in her arms. He sighed and Melinda came to him.

Melinda: Where is she going?

El: To the social centre with the boy. She is currently the only one who can touch him. I'll see her later. So what can you say about our victims?

Melinda: As usual I will know more after autopsy, but they fought a lot. The woman was raped, and as I could see is that she was raped some weeks ago too. They were both cut everywhere on their bodies and it seems that they died because of their injuries. And the position of the bodies suggests that some injuries were made after death or during death. They are displayed like puppets and I assume some bones are broken. I think of course there was more than one aggressor. By the way, it was a violent, suffering and long death.

El: Ok, thanks. He looked around him as the last policemen packed the last evidences and left.

OUTSIDE OF CARPENTER RESIDENCE

Munch: Did you find anything interesting in the house?

El: I just talked to Warner, and you?

Munch: The neighbourhood did not say an interesting word. Just some gossips they like. And of course anybody heard a thing.

Fin: Well, it depends on if you're a cop or a journalist. I wandered through the crowd and listened to talks between neighbourhood and the press, and every one has gossips, everyone heard some noise, but anyone has the same version.

El: Good! So we have a long list of nothing… great

Much: I'm disappointed El, I thought that after so many years working together you would expect us to have something at least…They are Ana and Harry Carpenter. He works as a finance manager in a design company and she works for an estate agency. They just have one boy, they arrived here few months ago and they are seen by neighbours as a lovely quiet family. They love the way she used to dress and how she takes care of their child, and they love him for taking care of his family and even if sometimes he works late he always find a way to please his family.

Fin: The perfect life…. Good jobs, no money problem, beautiful house with well-done garden, lovely wife, lovely boy, good husband, good car too…yeah perfect life… except that they are now dead.

El: That's why we are here Fin…ok. I assume we have now to interview their colleagues. I go to the design company and you go to the estate agency?

Munch: ok boss! Come on, Fin we have to buy a house.

IN THE SOCIAL CENTER

Olivia entered the centre with Mathew still hanging to her. A tall and tough man came to her.

Walter: Good morning! Here is the monster I heard about? My name's Walter and you're…

Liv: He's not a monster. He's just a child afraid and he needs care, sweetness and most of all, patience!

Walter: ok, don't be so hard, I was just joking. I love children, that's why I decided to take the lead of this centre. I did not hear your name?

Liv: I'm detective Benson.

Walter: Nice to meet you detective, let me introduce you Lucy, she is the nanny who will take care of him.

Lucy: Welcome to the centre. I heard by my colleague you met at the house that he was crying hardly and did not let anyone approach him until you arrived?

Liv: Yeah, I don't know why, that's really strange. I mean, I'm not a mother, and your colleague is used to deal with this kind of situation and…She looked at Mathew who smiled at her. She smiled back. Anyway we are here now and I have to go back to work, but I'm afraid he would not let me go.

Lucy: Come with me we have a quiet room where we could learn each other more. We used to do this when some children are like Mathew.

Walter: Lucy, I have some work, I let you, please give me more information later!

He walked down the wall to turn in is desk.

Liv: He seems to be really concerned. Liv followed Lucy down a hall with paintings of bears and cartoons on walls,

Lucy: Yeah. We have plenty of kids here and leading such a centre requires a lot of work but he knows each child here, his story, his birthday, we have to register everything and he wants to know everything, till who lost a tooth, when and how. He's good, but sometimes a little too much concerned. Sometimes we would like to tell him: Just let us do our job. But he's the boss, you know. Here we are!

They entered a room with a lot of cushions, toys, teddy bears and tables with little seats, papers and pencils.

Liv: Eh Mathew, baby! Look at this wonderful room! Look! This teddy bear is almost as tall as you! Wanna touch it? Mmh? Come with me and let's touch it, I'm sure he's sweet. She kneeled down and put Mathew on his feet. His left hand was still gripped to her shoulder but as she touched the teddy bear he did the same and laughed. He looked at her. She smiled at him:

Liv: I think he wants to hug us. Ok, let me try first. She took the teddy in her arms and kissed it. Your turn, Mathew. He looked at her, laughed again and shyly held his hand out to the teddy bear. He touched it but as if it was warm he took is hand back, laughed again and looked at Olivia. You can hug him you know, look, I do it again. Let's try! She said softly. The nanny came to them and kneeled near Mathew.

Lucy: Hi Mathew, my name is Lucy.

He went straight to Liv's arms.

Lucy: Oh sweetie, don't be afraid, come with me?

Mathew shook his head.

Liv: Mathew, Lucy is a friend of mine, look! She pushed him just a little to have enough space to hug Lucy. Look, Mathew, you can hug her too. But Mathew was still gripped to Olivia and bit his lip.

Lucy: Ok, sweetie, I'll come back, ok? I let you here with…

Liv: Olivia, my name's Olivia.

Lucy: Stay with Olivia, I'll come back.

Liv: Where do you go?

Lucy: He needs to adapt himself to this new surrounding. He's not willing to let me approach him so we have to do it step by step. I let you with him for a while but I'm not far. If you have any problem I'm always there.

Liv: And what I am supposed to do?

Lucy: Stay with him! Just stay with him, you seem to have a good connection with him and you manage very well!

Liv stood open mouthed as Lucy left. She looked at Mathew who laughed again.

Liv: ok, little boy, it seems that you decided not to let me go to work. What are we going to do now? She asked him. He laughed again and took the teddy bear in his arms.

Liv: Ok, so now you prefer Teddy than me? Ok, so I go! She got up and he called her by a little cry. She turned:

Liv: What?

He put one finger in his mouth and looked at her.

Liv: No this kind of glance doesn't work with me!

He smiled at her and held his arms to her calling her with another little cry.

Liv: Oh my God!

She took him in her arms and kissed him on the cheek. You're so cute. She went to the toys and sat. She crossed her legs and put him between them.

Liv: Ok, let's see what this box can offer us….Awwh! A dinosaur! Do you like dinosaurs, Mathew? I do! And here, we have…..ouch…a half of a duck…the other half must be in the stomach of the dinosaur. What do you think? He turned to her laughing. He got up to rummage in the box and introduced his new friends to Olivia who welcomed each one.

Outside of the room Lucy looked at this scene with a smile. A lady came to her.

Lady: Good morning Lucy! May I know the subject of your smile?

Lucy: Good morning! A strange situation. Do you see the little boy and the woman with him? She's a cop. His parents were killed and she went to their house for the case. He did not let anyone approach him except her. So she is here with him instead of going to work. She's good with him, he seems to be traumatized and it will be difficult to become trustable for him. Look, she is completely at ease with him and vice versa.

Lady: Does she have a child?

Lucy: No.

Lady: She should.

Lucy: Yeah I think so. I let them together in this room and in few minutes I will join them. I hope he would let me take care of him. I don't think she planned to stay all the day here.

Lady: ok, I have to go but we keep in touch?

Lucy: As usual, of course, see you later!

A half an hour later Lucy entered the room with some drinks for her and Mathew.

Lucy: Someone's thirsty?

Liv: Oh God! I did not hear you enter.

Lucy: Excuse me. How are you?

Liv: We're good!

Lucy: What happened?

Liv: Well, I'm afraid the dinosaur ate a half of a duck, the dog barked at the dinosaur so the dinosaur ate the dog, and as the dinosaur ate the dog the cat scratched the dinosaur, and then…

Lucy: ok ok I see. Animal fights.

Liv: Exactly!

Lucy: Who won?

Liv: The donkey of course! She said with the donkey toy in her hand. Mathew got up from Liv's legs and laughed as he saw the donkey in her hand.

Knocks on the door.

Lucy: Come in!

Elliot stepped in a little:

El: Excuse me for disturbing you, I just wanted to have some news from you, Liv. Are you ready to go?

Liv: I'm sorry, I didn't have time to call you, you know, the donkey had to put the dinosaur down, so Mathew and I had a lot of stuff!

El: Mmh… I understand… and finally who won?

Liv: Tsss….. El, I can't imagine you could ever ask this question….

Lucy: It's time to try to leave.

Liv: I know.

She took the hands of Mathew in hers and looked at him.

Liv: Mathew, sweetheart, I have to go. But you know Lucy now. I promise you to come back, ok sweetie? Stay with her, she's my friend.

She got up and put the hands of Mathew into Lucy's.

Liv: See you later, Mathew.

He began to cry.

Liv: No sweetie, I'll come back, I promise you, but I have to go now.

Tears were coming into Liv's eyes.

Lucy: Olivia, go now, please, I will take care of him but you have to leave, now.

Liv: I know. Please call me if there is anything.

She held out her card.

Lucy: ok, don't worry!

Liv looked at Matthew once more, she bit her lip and left. Mathew shouted and cried as she made her way to the door and tears flowed down her cheeks. Elliot closed the door behind her and joined her in the hall. He put his hand on her shoulder as they walked.

El: Wanna a cup of tea somewhere before going to the precinct?

She wiped her tears.

Liv: Yeah, a cup of tea sounds good.

They exited the centre.

AT A BAR, FEW STREETS FURTHER

Olivia was looking at her cup of tea. Elliot took a sip of his coffee:

El: You don't like your tea?

She lifted her head to him and smiled.

Liv: Yeah, I do.

El: I'm sorry, it was obvious, I should not have asked.

Liv: What?

El: The donkey! We all know the donkey always wins!

Liv smiled as she took a sip of her tea.

Liv: Yeah…the donkey always wins.

El: We should keep this statement as a password. You know, if I come to your home, I call you through the intercom and as you hang up you'll say "password" and I'll answer "the donkey always wins".

Liv: You crazy, El!

El: What?

She shook her head.

El: Wanna talk about it?

Liv: I don't know.

El: I'm here for you

Liv: I know

El: So feel free to talk at any time

Liv: Thanks

El: Liv, I'm sorry. I mean, I am really sorry. I assume it must not be easy to talk about it, especially when I am a father.

Liv: El…

El: Let me talk Liv. I want you to know that I am for you, I want you to be sure of that.

Liv: I know…

El: Don't let the fact that I'm a father avoiding you to talk to me, ok? I'm your partner, your friend.

_Liv: my love _

El: Promise me, Liv.

Olivia looked at him straight in the eyes

Liv: I promise.

El: Good.

He smiled and took a last sip of his coffee.

El: You're ready? I think Cragen is crazy for waiting for us and it's a chance he did not already…

Ring

El: I remove what I said. Yeah Cap', we're on our way.

They stood up and left.


	3. Chapter 3

First of all, I have to say a HUGE THANK YOU for your reviews, I truly, really appreciated. Thank you so much….

So now, here is the new part, and…R&R !!

* * *

**PRECINCT**

As Olivia and Elliot pushed the door they both saw Munch and Fin talking to Cragen.

Cragen: Olivia, Elliot, thanks to join us! Wanna explain your delay?

Liv: Cap, I'm sorry, it's because…

El: …we lost time at the social centre. They asked me a lot of questions about Mathew even if they knew everything from Olivia. I think it is a good centre but…anyway…so what's up?

Fin: Mrs Carpenter had seemed to be quite disturbed since few weeks. More stressed as usual, she used to have lunch with colleagues but she did not want to eat with them anymore. Some colleagues told us she lost some weight. They thought there was a problem with her husband but she told them it wasn't. Apparently she received a lot of calls that were not for her, some kind of number errors but she did not look at ease when answering. Some colleagues thought then that she may have a lover but she was not as happy as before so they finally had a doubt. Except that we have nothing more. We are waiting for information from the phone company, and we hope we could check and register all phone calls she received. And you, at the design company?

El: No interesting information. Mr Carpenter had pictures of his family on his desk, he managed good, was too much fastidious for some colleagues sometimes but generally was appreciated. No mentions of his wife or another life, no problems with colleagues, in short, the only clue we have is the one from the estate agency.

Munch: Yes we won the jackpot!

Cragen: Ok, and did someone check their bank accounts, friends…I assume not yet, so what are you waiting for?

Munch: As we won we let you choose the part you'd prefer to check.

Olivia: Bank accounts.

Fin: Ouch…We're lucky I never thought you would have chosen this. Thanks Liv.

They returned to their own desks.

El: Are you ok?

Liv: I have to.

El: It's not my question.

Liv: I won't take a day off. I need to work.

El: On a case in which a little boy obsesses you.

Liv: El, please…

El: I warn you, I won't keep my eyes away from you.

Liv: As you want

El: Don't do that

Liv: What?

El: Pretending you don't need support when you just proved me the opposite.

Liv looked at him and sighed: El, let me do my job.

She took the phone.

Liv: Hi Morris, did you catch up the bank details of Carpenters? Thanks, I come right now. (She hung up). Morris had the bank details, I'll get them, do you come with me or not?

El: No it's ok, let's go, I'm waiting here.

She left the room.

Fin: Elliot, what's going on with Olivia?

El: It's ok, she will be fine. I take care.

Fin: She's in trouble?

El: Fin, it's ok! Thanks for your attention, but I'm her partner and I can manage it!

Fin: That's not the point! I see she's not fine, don't fool on me!

El: Ok, thanks Fin. Won't say more. Thanks for asking, I'll take care.

Fin: You'd better.

El: Excuse me?

Fin: You'd better. We all like Liv here and if you can't be there for her, you'll hear from me.

El: So you pretend I can't take care of her?

Fin: I mean you don't know her as well as you think and maybe sometimes she hides some things from you.

El: Such as?

Fin: Won't add anything.

El: You were willing to talk about it few minutes ago, so…let's talk! What do I don't know that you do know?

Liv: El, I have the bank details, what's the matter, guys?

El & Fin: Nothing!

Munch: They wanted to compare their virility such as young dogs.

Liv: I guess I missed nothing.

Munch: Right!

Olivia held the file out to Elliot:

Liv: I think we can go directly to the bank; anybody won't give us details on their transactions by phone.

El: We're gone!

They caught their coats and passed the doors.

Munch: What were you thinking, you silly?

Fin: What are talking about?

Munch: You made a battle against Elliot about Olivia?

Fin: And? I know some things about her he doesn't.

Munch: Such as?

Fin: I promised to shut up.

Munch: Even to your favourite partner?

Fin: Yeah.

Munch: Ouch…our affective bond is touched now.

Fin: Let me cry…

**AT THE BANK:  
**  
Agent: Good Morning! May I help you? Are looking for a loan for your house, or…

El: Thanks! I'm Detective Stabler and she's my partner Detective Benson. We are looking for the person in charge of Ana and Harry Carpenter's accounts.

Agent: Oh…let me see…It's Mrs Barden. I will see if she's available.

Liv: We would like so.

They waited for few minutes when a tall woman came to them, long dark hair, chocolate eyes, and tanned skin.

Mrs Barden: Good morning Detectives. How can I be helpful? Is there a problem with Mr and Mrs Carpenter?

El: Maybe we could talk at your desk?

Mrs Barden: Ok! Follow me.

They entered a little room full of files. On walls were hanged landscapes pictures of different countries.

Mrs Barden: Take a seat.

El: Did you take all those pictures yourselves or…

Mrs Barden: Yes, travelling abroad is my hobby. As soon as I have some holidays I jump into a plane a go everywhere. And you?

El: Oh, actually, not.

Mrs Barden: Why? You should! You'll see it is really pleasant to discover different cultures, different habits. I remember the first journey I made was….

Liv: Excuse us, I'm sure your memories might be really interesting but we don't have a lot of time.

Mrs Barden: Oh... I see... ,she said hurt. So what's the matter with Ana and Harry? They are really good customers.

El: They were.

Mrs Barden: I'm afraid I don't understand.

Liv: Unfortunately you do.

Mrs Barden: Oh my God! What happened?

Liv: We found them dead this morning, we have to solve this case as soon as possible, and we have to interview each people they met.

El: We know we don't have a warrant yet but if you could tell us…

Mrs Barden: Anything you want, Detective, she said seductively. What do you want to know?

She not only looked at him, she was watching at him.

Mrs Barden: As I said before, they were good customers, no kind of money problem, the perfect couple! Good situations…

Liv: Yeah we know that. We would like to know…

Mrs Barden looked at Olivia with iced eyes:

Mrs Barden: As your charming colleague said, you don't have a warrant: So I'm not sure I can say you more.

Both women eyed scornfully each other up and down.

El: We are sure you do respect the rules and the Law: We were just wondering if you saw some transactions they were not used to have.

Mrs Barden looked back at Elliot and smiled at him: Sure, I check!

She turned to her computer and searched some files.

Mrs Barden: Well, there have been some transfers to another count.

El: Recently?

Mrs Barden: It seems all the transfers have been made by Mrs Carpenter since…5…6 weeks. But a lot of our customers used to have different accounts in different banks. I'm afraid I can't tell you more.

She looked at Elliot straight in the eyes and added:

Mrs Barden: You should come back later with a warrant, Mr Stabler!

El: Ok, we'll get the warrant.

Mrs Barden: Ok, see you later, then!

Liv: We can find the exit alone, thanks!

She stood up and opened the door. Elliot followed her and caught her in the street.

**IN THE STREET  
**  
El: I'm sure you'll come back to open an account here!

Liv: Count on it! What a praying mantis!

El: I found her nice!, he said smirking.

He unlocked the car.

Liv: Of course, "charming colleague"!

She laughed and sat on the passenger seat.

El: We at least know they had another count not registered!

Liv: Yes, or maybe this count is not theirs. Do you remember what she said? Ana Carpenter did transfers. Not him!

El: You're right. Do you think she was blackmailed?

Liv: Maybe. We have to wait for the warrant.

El: I hope it's ready.

Liv: Me too. Since Casey has left that's so hard to have a warrant!

El: Yeah. Wanna go somewhere and eat something? I'm starving.

Liv: I'm not hungry.

El: You have to eat something Liv.

Liv: El…

El: It's just a question of energy! We don't have a real clue right now, so we may spend a lot of time working on this case, with few hours sleep…

Liv: Ok! I give up, "charming colleague", let's go eat something.

Elliot laughed.

Liv: What?

El: You like this term, right?

Liv: Yeah, but it was more how she said it, you know, her eyes…..

_RING  
_  
Liv: Benson? ..Yes, Lucy I listen to you! …Ok, I come.

She hung up.

El: What's going on?

She did not answer but looked through the window.

Liv: Drive me to the social centre please.

El: Ok, I ask again, what's going on?

Liv: Mathew refuses to eat.

El: Like all the traumatized children.

Liv: He's asking for me.

El: Oh Liv, I'm not sure it is a good idea…

Liv: Lucy called me, I go! She knows what to do with this situation, I trust her, and if she called me…

El: Ok ok ok !!!! I'm just worried for you!

Liv: I'm a big girl, he's a little boy who needs some landmarks.

Elliot sighed and changed their direction.

**SOCIAL CENTRE**

Olivia ran down the hall and rushed to the room they left this morning.

She looked through the window. Nobody. She ran further and entered a room where two women were talking.

Liv: Excuse me, I'm looking for Lucy, do you where she is?

Lady: You must be Olivia! I saw you through the window this morning with…Michael?

Liv: Mathew, he's name is Mathew. Where are they?

Lady: Calm down, they are few room further, I come with you. Why are you here?

Liv: Lucy called me, Mathew doesn't want to eat.

Lady: Like all traumatized children.

Liv: I KNOW THANKS! But you are not the only one he accepted this morning. You did not wipe away his tears…

Lady: Don't be so aggressive, Olivia, I understand what you feel.

Liv: Sure you can't, she said clenching her teeth.

They entered a dining roomand Liv saw Lucy trying to give some meal to Mathew. He was crying and pushing the spoon away. As he saw Olivia he held his arms out to her, crying more. Olivia rushed to him and took him in her arms.

Liv: Ssshhhh…I'm here Mathew….shhhh Calm down baby, I'm here….

She was wandering in the room with Mathew in her arms, her right hand on her head and kissing him on his forehead.

Liv: Mathew….you need to calm down now……

Elliot entered the room and glanced at Lucy. She was sorry but he was angry. She could not hold his gaze and turned to Olivia.

Lucy: Olivia, maybe you could try to feed him. He needs to eat something, even if it is just a few.

Olivia went to the table and sat with Mathew on her knees.

Liv: Mathew, would you be a big boy and eat a little? Would you try? For me please, sweetie.

She took the spoon and presented it to Mathew. She smiled as he looked at her.

Liv: Yes, I know you can do it and you have to!

He wanted to cry again but…

Liv: Shh…Mathew! No don't cry, she said steadily.

He opened his mouth and Olivia gave him his first mouthful.

He accepted another one, and another one….Meanwhile Elliot went to Lucy and the lady.

El: Can I talk to you? Privately?

Lucy: Sure!

They went outside of the room.

El: Do you think you could call us each hour as soon as he throws a tantrum?

Lucy: Of course not! But…

El: You have your job, we have ours. His parents are dead and we have to solve this case! Is it so difficult to understand?

Lucy: It's not but you can see as us that he is really attached to her…

El: Yes but she can't be at two different places at the same time. So do your job and let us do ours.

The door opened and they saw Olivia and Mathew.

Liv: He ate the half of his meal, but not more. I think he really can't eat more right now, we have to wait.

Lucy: You did well, thanks. I prefer he ate a few instead of nothing.

Mathew put his thumb in his mouth and let his head on her shoulder.

Liv: Maybe you want to sleep?

Lucy: Yes he must be tired. He had not been sleeping since you left.

Liv: And nobody can tell at what time he woke up this morning. He must be so exhausted.

Lucy: Come with me, I'll show you his bed.

Liv: We follow you!


	4. Chapter 4

**IN THE HALL OF THE SOCIAL CENTRE  
**  
Elliot was waiting for Olivia. The lady looked at her with Mathew in his arms and turned to El:

Lady: I heard she doesn't have a child?

El: Why?

Lady: Just a question!

El: ..to make the conversation?

Lady: Yes…

El: She doesn't have. She's not married, she's a good cop….

Lady: I didn't want to bother you, really.

El: You did!

Lady: I'm sorry. I have to go.

El: Good bye!

He looked at her walking away. He heard the sound of a door and turned to see Olivia and Lucy exiting the bedroom.

El: You're ready to go now? I'm really starving and I'd like to grab something to eat before coming back to the precinct.

Liv: Ready to go wherever you want!

Elliot smirked: Thanks!

Liv: Bye Lucy! Keep in touch?

Lucy: Of course!

**AT THE PRECINCT  
**  
They entered the office with some food and drinks in a paper bag. Elliot put a salad on Liv's desk, her water bottle and a sandwich and soda on his. Olivia took the paper bag and went to Fin and Munch.

Liv: Hey! I took something for you.

Fin: What is it?

Liv: If you want it, try to guess?

Munch: Donuts!

Liv: Right! From your favourite shop.

Fin: I'd prefer you to tell me what the matter is.

Liv: What are you talking about? I'm fine, I was just in a bad mood this morning and I wanted to apologize; but if you don't want these donuts…

Munch:….don't listened to him, Liv, I accept your apologizes and the donuts, even if the donuts were created to make people more dependent on sugar things, that leads to…

Fin: Munch, shut up! These are just donuts, man!!!

Liv looked at Elliot who already had begun his sandwich. They both smiled as they heard Munch and Fin "arguing". They loved the way the two were fighting with words. They were completely the opposite of each other but completed each other.

Munch: It's exactly what I said; you can't see anymore how much you depend on sugar cuz…

Fin: you won't have one if you keep going on spreading your new theory.

Cragen: A new theory about what?

Liv: About being dependent on sugar due to donuts, and consequences.

Cragen: Oh, I see. Munch, the day you decide to retire, please do me a favour.

Munch: Sure, which kind?

Cragen: Register all your theories in a book, it may become a best seller!

Liv, El and Fin laughed.

Munch: Ok, you can laugh, but one day you'll see a report on TV about sugar and dependence on it!

El: You trust the Medias? Since when?

Fin: Good point Elliot! Thanks!

El: You're welcome!

Cragen: Ok, kids, your fun break is over, tell what you found.

Liv: It seems that Mrs Carpenter had made bank transfers to another account since 6 weeks and we are waiting for a warrant to check further. Maybe it's a clue to follow as she was the only one who did this transfer. We could not learn the amount of these transfers but as they were new, I think we have to search by this side.

Cragen: Ok, I'll phone the Judge to get some news about the warrant. And you guys? Something interesting?

Munch: We could only speak to one of their friends, but he was really talkative. His name is James Baker. He works as a natural photographer. They met during a trip to Australia. Ana and Harry were there for their honeymoon and he was there to study kangaroos and birds in the bush near Alice Springs.  
They had a good feeling together and decided to keep in touch back in NY.  
They used to see each others twice per month, for barbecues, or wandering in Central Park. He was really shocked by the news and has no idea of what's going on. He will try to contact other friends we could not reach and will keep us informed.

Cragen sighed: Ouch…we don't have a real clue for instance and I have to feed back to my superiors…I'll check first for the warrant. If it's done, I want you two come back to the bank right after.

Liv: Captain, I think it is better if Elliot goes there alone.

El: Liv!

Cragen: Why?

El: Don't mind!

Liv: It seems that the person in charge of the victims' accounts has a crush on Elliot and I might be like a rock in her shoes…if you understand what I mean.

Fin: What a seducer, Elliot!!!

Munch: Kathy! Welcome! Nice to see you here!

Everybody turned to see Kathy with Eli in her arms.

Kathy: Elliot, can I talk to you?

El: Sure! What's the matter?

He led her to another room where they could talk privately.

Kathy: I want you to come home tonight. I know you have work, but Eli drove me crazy today and I won't support this any longer. So tonight, you come home and you take care of him!

El: Kath…

Kathy: I don't care about your work! I know you're busy as usual but today, I don't mind. Come home, that's all!

El: Kathy I understand that it is not really easy, but our case…

Kathy: You didn't hear why I said? You come home tonight the latest at 8pm, that's all, you don't have the choice this time!

Elliot looked at her and he felt anger coming at the surface.

El: Or what?

Kathy: You may regret it!

El: Do you realize what you are saying?

Kathy: Yes I am!

Elliot stood speechless, and clenched his teeth…

El: I'll be there Kathy, as you want.

Kathy: See you tonight!

She opened the door and left.

Olivia was waiting for him, she had his coat in hand. She went to him and held him his coat out.

Liv: Everything's alright?

El: Yeah…thanks.

Liv: Sure, you look like!

Elliot smiled at her: Liv, it's ok, nothing important. So finally you come with me?

Liv: Yes! I'm your partner and I have to give you my support during this coming hard interview with the praying mantis.

El: Oohhh! I really appreciate your sacrifice, Liv!

Liv: You're welcome!

El: Munch and Fin?

Liv: They just received a phone call from the best friend of Ana and will meet her at her job.

El: Ok!

**DANCE SCHOOL  
**  
A tall, thin and muscular woman was crying hardly sitting on a bench in an empty dance room. She didn't lift her head as Munch and Fin entered the room.

Munch: Mary Parker?

Mary: Yes I am? And you're….

Munch: I'm Detective Munch and he's my partner Detective Tutuola. Mary, we are really aware it may not seem to be the right moment but we have to ask you some questions about Ana and Harry.

Mary: What do you want to know?

Fin: Do you know if they had problems? Maybe at work, or with neighbours…

Mary wiped her tears. Her wet cheeks were red and so were her eyes. She had been crying since a long time and her headache made her being not completely clear in her mind.

She opened her mouth, but could not speak.

Fin: Do you want something to drink, a coffee?

She shook her head.

Mary: I just would like to wake up and realize it was the worst nightmare I've ever had.

Munch: We know, but unfortunately I can tell you it won't happen. Mary, it is really important…

Mary: I need medicine against my headache. Excuse me I have to take it from my bag in another room.

She left the room and could nearly walk straight.

Munch and Fin followed her and watched at her, fearing she would collapse on the floor. She grabbed a pill from a box in her bag, took a glass of water and swallowed her pill.

She sighed and with tears in her eyes she looked straight to Munch.

Mary: You must be sure that they are...were a great couple. Appearances reflected the reality. They loved each other. They loved Math….Oh my God, where is Mathew?

Munch: He's in a social centre, he's safe.

Mary: Ok, you'll have to give me the address, I will see him.

Munch: We'll see what we can do. What were you saying?

Mary: They really loved each other. They worked hard, and try to do their best to grown Mathew in good conditions. I liked the time we spent tog….

She felt in tears.

Fin: Mary, we are really sorry and we can easily understand your pain, but you need to talk to us if you think about something.

Mary: Oh my God! I hope it's not what I think…. Well, I hope as I know him but….

Fin: What?

Mary sighed heavily and wiped again her tears.

Mary: I used to crush for guys I shouldn't. If they don't hide me they are married they cheat on me in different ways. In short my love life is a disaster and as I used to move a lot, I'm not improving myself as for searching the good person…

She sat on a bench.

Mary: Few months ago I met someone, the great guy. He understood my passion for dance and the fact that I have to often work outside of NY. I'm in charge of different program lessons and I have to check different points, if there are some things to change, to improve… Anyway we had a good feeling but I was not sure of myself. We began to date but I was always on my reserve.  
Once he invited me to a party with friends of his and he told me I could come with someone to feel more secure. I asked Ana and of course she accepted…_She cried again. _We arrived at the party and there were a lot of people there. I found Allan and introduced him Ana. I saw at once he totally felt love at first sight. She didn't care and spend time with him during the party talking with him. She wanted to know him, have an advice on him for me. She wanted to evaluate him…As we left he caught her and kissed her just in front of me. She slapped him and he smiled. He said she would not slap him soon as he was sure she was feeling the same as him.

Munch: And?

Mary: As I told you she was in love with her husband so she didn't care. We agreed that he was not the right man, again…She told me he found where she lived and where she worked. He had followed her, he saw her family and told her he would confess Harry they were lovers but she laughed and answered Harry would never trust him. She could not be in love with such a guy. He trusted her and she trusted him. Allan was mad at her and I know that he began to harass her. He phoned her at work dozen of times a day.  
I had to fly from NY for work and I tried to convince him to let her go, that he could never be with her but he laughed. He told me I was just jealous of her and that I could not handle a candle to her. I had to go….I only came back three days ago, and….._she cried hard.  
_  
Munch sat near her and put a hand on her shoulder.

Munch: Mary… thanks a lot for sharing this with us. We need to talk to this Allan. Where can we find him?

Mary: He's working at St Johns. He's a surgeon.

Fin: Thanks Mary. You were really helpful.

Munch held his card out to her.

Munch: If you remember something else, or if you need to talk, we are here to help you Mary. Call us.

Mary took the card.

Mary: Thanks, but I have to go to Atlanta tomorrow.

Munch: It's ok, if you need anything….but please stay available. We may need your help later and if we call you, you'd have to be here the fastest.

Mary: I promise. I don't want to avoid their funerals and I want to see the bastard who did this in jail. I'll go there just for tomorrow, maybe the day after, but I will cut my journey.

Munch: ok, thanks Mary. Good bye.

They exited the dance school and returned to the precinct.

Olivia was at her desk searching in papers something interesting.

Munch: Hey, girl! Where's your partner? Taken hostage by the bank agent?

Liv: Nope… she could not avoid the fact I was there…he's in Cragen's office.

Fin: What did he do?

Liv: Why do you want him to be guilty for something?

Fin: Alone in his office….it's never a good thing! Especially when the door is closed!

Liv: He's just negotiating for his evening. Kathy needs him home tonight.

Elliot opened the door and went to the coffee table.

El: So guys, what's new?

Liv: El, let me show you a thing first please, I think I found something.

El: Sure!  
He took his cup and a cup for her in which he poured tea.

Munch and Fin went to their desks.

Elliot came close to Olivia, put the cup on her desk.

Liv: Thanks!

Elliot put his cup near hers to avoid spreading coffee on papers and looked over her shoulder. He could see her bra through the V neck of her shirt.  
He shook his head, not allowing him to watch more, even if he knew he wanted to.

_El: Come on Stabler, stay focused on the case. Oh my God I like her scent and her neck…her skin seems to be so soft….._

Liv: Elliot!

El landed: Yes?

Liv: Are you connected? You did not listen!

El: Sorry...I was thinking about tonight, sorry…

Liv: Ok, no worries…so I told you I found the swift payments from Ana and Harry to a count owned by a couple named Mr and Mrs Thomson. But I looked for them with the details registered I can't find them anywhere. I think it is a false name but! I found that Ana Carpenter goes for lunch regularly to a restaurant called "Thomson Pension". And I have the address! Do you want to come with me there?

El: Yes! Good job Liv.

She clearly could see something was bothering him.

Liv: So, let's go "charming"!

Elliot laughed and shook his head looking at her.

They grabbed their coats and left.


	5. Chapter 5

**PRECINCT 6pm**

Cragen came to Munch and Fin:

Cragen: Did you learn something from the best friend?

Fin: Yeah apparently Ana Carpenter was harassed by someone named Allan Baker. He's a surgeon at St Johns and they met at a party where Mary was invited. Munch is asking to St Johns if he's working today or not.

Cragen: Ok. I have to report the boss, please give me more news asap.

Fin: Ok, Cap!

******************************************************************************************

Elliot and Olivia arrived at "Thomson Pension".

They entered and looked for some waiter. Everybody was really busy and nobody did care about their presence. They caught someone with a pile of menus in hands.

Olivia: Excuse us, miss.

Waitress: Welcome to Thomson Pension! What can I do for you?

Olivia: I'm Detective Benson and he's my partner, Detective Stabler.

The waitress put all the menus on a table.

Waitress: Detectives? What's going on?

Olivia: Do you know this woman?

She showed her a picture of Ana Carpenter.

Waitress: I'm new here and I don't remember all faces yet, I'm sorry. Wait a minute, please. Tony! Tony! Could you come just a minute please?

Tony: Of course! What's the matter?

Waitress: They are Detectives and they would like to know if we can remember this woman.

Tony: Yes! Of course! She's so gorgeous and so sad too! I have always wondered what the matter with her husband was. He seems to be really in love with her, he really cares for her, he's affectionate but she seems not to be in return. They are a strange couple.

Elliot took another picture from his coat pocket:

Elliot: This guy?

Tony: No! She comes with another one…Ooopss…Are you privates?

Elliot: No we work for SVU.

Tony: SVU? What happened?

Elliot: The two people you see on pictures are the right couple and they were found dead this morning.

Waitress: Oh my God!

She put a hand on her mouth.

Tony: and you're looking for this guy I suppose?

Olivia: That's' it!

Tony: I'm sorry I don't know more. Oh my God! Who's he then if he was not her husband?

Olivia: That's what we are seeking! Could you describe him?

Tony: Yes, he's tall…maybe just a few shorter than you, _he said looking at Elliot.  
_  
He looked at a table.

They used to sit there. He did not want to change. Every time he phoned to book we kept this table for them. He's not really muscular but looks healthy. He has blond hair and dark eyes. Nothing really keeping attention of anybody, you know the guy you may pass by and not notice.

Olivia: Thanks. His clothes? Did you notice a tattoo?

Tony: No...I didn't notice. He wears jeans and leather jacket. A good one. With always fashion shirts. Oh God I can't remember more…

Elliot: It's ok, thanks for your help. Please take my card, if any details remain you, call me, at any time!

Tony: Ok! I promise…

Olivia: Another question, when he buys, how does he?

Tony: Cash.

Olivia: Thanks.

They left.

They walked on the sidewalk to the car.

Olivia: Cash…he knows a thing or two…

Elliot: Yes. I hope Munch and Fin have more news now.

Olivia: You'll see tomorrow!

Elliot: Yes. What are you doing now?

Olivia: I'll go back to the precinct and check with Munch and Fin.

Elliot: And then?

Olivia: What?

Elliot: Do you go home?

Olivia: I don't know yet, El, why?

Elliot: …Just a question.

Olivia: Just a question? You're kidding? What's in your mind?

Elliot: Nothing…you?

Olivia: Nothing! Elliot, you need some rest, go home now and have a good time with your family, good sleep and come back tomorrow full of energy, ok?

Elliot: Need a lift to precinct?

Olivia smiled at him:

Olivia: No thanks, I'll take a cab. See you!

Elliot: See you…

She walked down the street and hailed a taxi. Elliot looked at her go, sighed and climbed into the car and drove to his home.

Few minutes later he arrived at home, opened the door and heard full of life coming form the living room. Dickie and Lizzie were sitting on the floor, papers spread on the table. They were arguing about some Physics tests.

Dickie: I said you did not apply the right formula.

Lizzie: I know! I just did not understand why I have to apply this one at this step!

Dickie: I've already explained it!

Lizzie: You didn't!

Dickie: Yes I did!

Lizzie: Maybe but not properly, I still don't understand!

Elliot: Sorry to disturb you, kids!

Dickie: Hey Dad! Already at home?

Elliot: Yes! Does it bother you?

Lizzie: No! We're just surprised!

She stood up and went to her father to embrace him.

He sat on the couch near their work.

Elliot: So you weren't aware I'll come home tonight?

Dickie: No, Mum said nothing. Maybe she wanted to surprise us.

Elliot: Yeah…maybe…

Dickie: Lizzie, are you ready to listen to me? I don't want to spend a lot of time on Physics and on something so easy!

Lizzie: It's not! Dad…

Elliot: Ouch Lizzie! I don't discuss Physics, I was not really good at school, and I suppose I'll be even less with modern Physics!

Lizzie and Dickie laughed and they hit their hands.

Elliot: I let you with your problems…

He went upstairs looking for Kathy.

He heard some noise from the bathroom and saw Kathy "fighting" with Eli.

Kathy: Eli, stay quiet, please! I won't tell it twice!

She was angry and Elliot could see her red cheeks. She was mad at Eli and probably had been since a long moment.

Elliot: Hey Honey…

Kathy: Hi! Glad you're home! He makes me mad. He's stubborn, and in a bad mood and has been since few days. I'm fed up with him!

Elliot: Kath, calm down, I'll take my turn.

He bent on his knees near Kathy and she stood up, happy to let him taking care of his kid.

Kathy: What do you want to eat tonight?

Elliot: I don't mind.

Kathy: Wow…It will help me!

Elliot: Hey Kath! Calm down! I'm just here to spend time with you, you seem to be angry, you may have a bad day ok, but please! I don't have any idea of what I want to eat, is it so important? Ask the twins or Kathleen!

Kathy: She's at her friend Betty tonight!

Elliot: Ok, I did not know…

Kathy: I tell you.

Elliot looked at Kathy with angry eyes.

Elliot: What's going on, Kath? You asked me to come home tonight because you told me the twins wanted to see me. They were not aware I would come early. So it's a kind of a lie you said. I find you here angry, mad at Eli, mad at me…what's the matter Kathy?

Kathy: I'M FED UP WITH ELI, CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THIS? HE DOES THE CONTRARY OF EVERYTHING I WANT, HE DOESN'T LISTEN TO ME, HE REFUSES EVERYTHING, HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE WHEN I'M ANGRY OR WHEN I GRUMBLE AT HIM!!!!!!!  
I'M FED UP ELLIOT!

Elliot: Wow Kathy calm down! He's not our first kid, you know how to manage this. You just have a lack of patience.

Kathy: Patience doesn't help with kids!

She slammed the door and left Elliot and Eli in his bath.  
Elliot did not believe his ears. He looked at Eli who was playing with water.  
He could not remove from his mind the images of Olivia with Mathew and how she succeeded in calming him down. He whispered to Eli:

Elliot: If only she was here…I guess you'd love her. Of course you would. Who wouldn't? She's so comprehensive, so compassionate, so soft…You know, she can understand anybody just looking in the eyes.

He smiled.

Elliot: You should have seen her with Mathew today. Incredible. Ok boy, I think it's time to go out from here.

Eli protested as Elliot took him from his bath and began to cry but Elliot said firmly:

Elliot: No Eli! It's time!

Eli looked at his father and wanted to cry more but stopped. He let his father dry and dress him. Elliot came back downstairs with Eli in his arms and saw Dickie and Lizzie packing up their papers.

Elliot: Finally you finished?

Dickie: Yes, as you said, finally! Miss Lizzie took her time to understand!

Lizzie: If you had explained me properly the first time, we would not have spent 2 hours on such an easy thing!!!

Dickie: If only you had listen during the course, instead of watching "Tom!" he said making fun at her.

Lizzie: S** of a B****! It's not true!

Elliot: Lizzie!! What did I hear?

Lizzie: Nothing…He talked nonsense!

Elliot: Ok, it doesn't matter, I just don't want to hear this kind of words in my house!

Lizzie: yes…excuse me, Dad…

Elliot: It's ok….so who's "Tom"?

Dickie laughed uncontrollably and Lizzie grumbled, took her stuff and climbed upstairs.

Elliot went to the kitchen and saw Kathy taking food and drinks from the fridge.

Elliot: Kath…

Kathy: What?

Elliot: Oh Kath, please, stop fighting. What's going on, honey?

Kathy said nothing, took the plates from the cupboard and arranged the table.

Kathy: Tonight it will be only sandwich. Each one makes it own.

Elliot: ok, that's perfect, he said softly. He approached her, she turned to him and looked at Eli:

Kathy: I don't want to see him anymore tonight, take care of him. Feed him and put him in bed.

Elliot stood speechless. He looked at her, she was filling her glass with water.

Elliot: I can't believe this!

Kathy: What!

Elliot: Can you explain why you came to me this afternoon? You begged me to come home for the twins, but that was not the truth. The truth is that you wanted me to come home because you can't stand your own son anymore!

Kathy: You should become a shrink, El!

Elliot: It's not funny! Do you realize you made fool on me?

Kathy took a sip of water.

Kathy: I could not tell you I can't stand my son.

Elliot: Of course you could! We knew it would not be easy and I promised you to be there. You just had to tell me Eli drove you crazy, I would have understood!

Kathy: Maybe I'm fed up with being a mother!

Elliot: You can't say this, Kath, you are just tired, and maybe….

Kathy: I'm not! I sleep well, I can have some rest when I need. It's just that it's as if Eli decided to make me crazy!

Elliot: That's ridiculous and you know it! He's just a little boy!

Kathy: I'd better go to bed, good night El!

She passed in front of him, not even looking at him or Eli.

Dickie and Lizzie arrived in the kitchen.

D&L: What's going on?

Elliot: If only I knew!

Lizzie: Does she go to bed now?

Elliot: Yes!

Dickie: Did you quarrel?

Elliot: Not really, I don't know…she's angry. She's mad at Eli and as far as I can see, at me too, but I don't know why. Did something special happen during the time you were at home?

Dickie: No, she was already at home when we arrived and

Lizzie: she was already mad at Eli. But he did nothing wrong.

Elliot: Mmmhh… ok.

Dickie: Maybe she's tired.

Elliot: Yes that's what I was trying to tell her when she left.

Lizzie: Do you want me to feed Eli?

Elliot: No, I'll do it. Help yourselves.

Elliot sat the little boy in his chair and put a napkin on him.


	6. Chapter 6

**PRECINCT, 8 am****  
**  
Elliot walked pressed and entered the precinct.

Elliot: Good morning everyone! What's new? Where's Olivia?

Fin: Good morning Elliot, we found Allan and arrested him, we are waiting for his confessions, and we don't know where she is.

Munch: Cragen tried to join her several times but her mobile is off and he left her a message on her answering machines, mobile and landline.

Elliot sighed and shook his head.

Cragen: Do you know where she might be?

Elliot: yeah, I've an idea.

Cragen: Where is she?

Elliot: I can't tell you. I will pick up her.

Cragen: Ok, tell her she needs some good explanations.

Elliot: She has, believe me, she has…

He left.

**SOCIAL CENTRE, 8.30 am****  
**  
Elliot entered the social centre and looked for Lucy. He entered a room where nannies were discussing on the case of a child.

Elliot: Excuse me, I' looking for Lucy.

A nanny: She's further down the hall.

Elliot: Thanks.

He walked in the hall he knew well now, the hall which led to the room where Mathew and Olivia were yesterday morning.  
He saw Lucy and the lady of the day before talking behind the window. They were looking inside the room.

Elliot: Hi Lucy!

Lucy: Detective Stabler! _She was embarrassed_. I did not call her, she came here yesterday and spent the whole night here. I could not refuse

He arrived near her and looked through the window. Olivia. She was here sitting on the floor playing with Mathew.

He sighed and shook his head.

Elliot: You should have refused.

Lucy: I could not!

The Lady: What's the matter, Detective Stabler? Olivia seems to care about this child!

Elliot: Yeah, that's the problem!

Lady: Explain me! I don't understand you.

Elliot sighed again and looked at Olivia through the window.

Elliot: Olivia spent her life taking care of children through our cases. We are used to deal with rough cases and she is always patient, soft, comprehensive, compassionate and protective with children of all ages. She dedicated her life to children of others.

Lady: That's why she doesn't have any on her own?

Elliot: A part of the reason.

He rubbed his face with his hand.

Elliot: She will suffer a lot when someone will come to adopt him.

Lady: You don't tell us everything.

Elliot: I'm not allowed to. It's her life.

Lady: Yes but we need to know people caring for our children. Please, tell us. We spent a lot of time watching her with him, she's amazing! She manages really well! Why doesn't she have a child?

Elliot: She's a cop, she works hours, .. (pause)… she'd love to be a mother, I know she would be great. I know her, I see her with kids; I'm a father and no doubt that I trust her enough to leave her my kids with my eyes shut. She has no family support, she is single but I'm sure she would be a greater mother than some ones with the entire "good society criteria".

Lady: Did she already try something?

Elliot: Adoption was refused, because of these "good society criteria". And she can't conceive.

Lucy: On my God!

Elliot felt some tears coming in his eyes. He could not stop thinking of the night he spent at home the day before.

Elliot: You know what, I believe in God but sometimes I really think life is not fair. I'm the father of five children, the last one was not planned. I love him but he was not planned and Liv….

He bit his lower lip.

Elliot: When did she arrive?

Lucy: At 7. She fed him, gave him bath, put him in bed. She stayed here till he fell asleep and spent some hours watching him sleeping. She left at around 3 this morning and came back at 6 to be there for his waking up. She gave him breakfast and cleaned and dressed him. And since then she has been playing with him here.

Elliot wiped a tear.

Elliot: ok, thanks. Do you already have any couple wanting him for adoption? He has no relatives anymore. His parents had no brother or sister and grand parents are dead.

Lady: No. It's too early.

Elliot: Please try to find someone quickly.

Lady: She doesn't want to adopt anymore?

Elliot let his anger go out:

Elliot: You did not hear what I said? OUR SYSTEM REFUSES HER AS A MOTHER!!! You're deaf?

Lady: Calm down! Do you think she would accept to change her job if she could adopt?

Elliot: Why are you asking this?

Lady: I'm sorry I think we were not introduced. My name is Gillian Gordon, I work for the social centre as a councilor for the Judge of Family Affairs. I'm the last person who sees the files of the potential parents before they adopt. Don't be mad at me but Lucy told me it was a really strange case and I decided to watch her with Mathew.

Elliot: And?

Gillian: I ask you again, do you think she would accept to change her job if she could adopt?

Elliot: Well, … I'm not in her shoes…

Gillian: I thought you knew her…

Elliot: Yes yes of course… you know svu is her whole life, it's hard to explain, but…we've been partners for so many years… Yeah…I think she would. If it's sure she could adopt,…I would do anything for her… Could you do something? I mean I have to ask first our boss…I can ask him to put her in holidays till she would find the right job, and I will help her to find one, to settle Mathew at hers….Oh my God, could you do this?

Gillian: I'll try.

Elliot sighed heavily: Tell her nothing, we keep in touch until you have the answer, I will tell it my boss…and…Oh my God, if only….

Gillian: Do you remember the name of the Judge of her file?

Elliot: She didn't tell me.

Gillian. It's ok, I will just take care I won't contact the same. I'll call you later today.

Elliot: Thanks!

He entered the room.

Elliot: Good morning you two!

Liv: Good Morning El! Mathew! Look! El came to see you! How was your evening?

El: Don't want to talk about it.

Liv: Oh…I'm sorry.

El: Don't be. Are you ready to go to work? Cragen is waiting for you. He left you several messages, and he's a little, a lot angry…

Liv: Yes…I guess.

She looked at Mathew

Liv: But I don't mind, because I had fun with this little boy! He's amazing, you know?

El: No doubt about that, Liv, but please, come!

Liv: Mathew, I have to go to work but I'll come back later, ok, sweetie?

Mathew smiled at her and she kissed him and the cheek.

She stood up and went to Lucy:

Liv: It's your turn!

Lucy: Yes! Will try to do my best! See you later, Olivia!

**PRECINCT****  
**  
As Elliot and Olivia came in Cragen opened his mouth but,

Elliot: Captain, can I see you now?

Cragen: …Yes…sure

Elliot closed the door behind him.

Elliot: Captain, I have something important to tell you, I need to know if I can trust you.

Cragen: Of course you can! What's going on? Do you have problems?

Elliot: I don't, it's about Liv.

Cragen sat and so did Elliot.

Elliot: Liv is obsessed by becoming a mother.

Cragen: It's natural.

Elliot: Yes, she wanted to adopt but she was turned down.

Cragen: Why?

Elliot: Single, work hours, no family support…no need you draw you a picture. She can't conceive either.

Cragen: What?

Elliot. She learned it few days ago. You know the Carpenters have a little boy…

Cragen: Mathew?

Elliot: Right. The only one who could approach him was…

Cragen: Olivia?

Elliot: Right. She spent a lot of time with him and I fear she will suffer a lot when a couple will come to adopt him.

Cragen: That's obvious.

Elliot: Captain, at the social centre I met a woman who is in charge of child adoptions. She watched at Olivia caring for Mathew. It seems that she can support Olivia for a new adoption file.

Cragen: does Olivia know it?

Elliot: Of course not. We decided to keep it secret in case of a new refusal. This councilor asked me if I thought Olivia would change her job in case of a positive answer…

Cragen: I can transfer her in another squad where she could spend fewer hours at work.

Elliot: Ok, meanwhile can she be in "holidays"? I'm sure she did not take all her days off.

Cragen: I'm sure of it too. I could try to find something for her that could fit with her profile.

Elliot: Thanks Cap!

Cragen: Elliot…

Elliot: Yes?

Cragen: That would be…

Elliot: I know!

He closed the door behind him.

Olivia: El, does Cragen want me in his office?

Elliot: No I told him I asked you to do something for me and that I needed to talk to you after that.

Olivia: And he believed you?

Elliot: Yes! You know sometimes I can be convincing!

Olivia: ok…

Elliot: What, you have a doubt?

Olivia: No, no….Munch and Fin are trying to have confessions from Allan Baker; it is the real name of the man who harassed Ana. He felt totally in love with her and could not accept that she was already married. He opened a bank account with the name of Mr and Mrs Thomson as he saw himself married with her and Thomson is the place where they were used to meet.

Elliot: Wow….he really needs a shrink!

Huang: You called me, Elliot? I think it's the first time you say loud you need a shrink!

Elliot: I don't need a shrink, the suspect needs one!

Huang: I know I watched at him. He has surely mental disorders. He makes his own reality. Such as boys who play cowboys, aim a bank and save a lady, or girls who play perfect family; he wanted to create his world. He chose the perfect woman and did not care about her real life.

Elliot: Why did she play a role with him? She could have called the police?

Huang: Yes, but maybe she was not really sure he would be arrested. He is respected at work, has good friends, and it was her words against his. I think he threatened her family, she was afraid, she played the role he wanted.

Olivia: Until…

Huang: Something broke his mind.

Elliot: What?

Huang: I don't know yet. He is really intelligent. Munch and Fin try to make him talk, but it is hard.

Elliot: Maybe we could try, we had no contact with him, maybe with new faces, another way to do…

Huang: That's why I came, I suggested the same.

Elliot: Here we are!

Olivia looked at Elliot surprisingly.

_Olivia: What's in your mind, Elliot? You seemed to be bothered by something few minutes ago and now you're in a good mood?_

They met Munch and Fin in the hall near the interview room. Elliot looked through the window.

Elliot: He's then our suspect! What did he say?

Fin: He's a friend of Ana and Harry, he loved them and is shocked.

Olivia: Sure…

Munch: He's such a bad liar! He tried to convince us but I think he tried to convince himself too.

Olivia: He wanted a perfect family, didn't he?

Huang: Yes…

Elliot looked at Olivia

Elliot: That fits well, I have a perfect family and…it bothers you Olivia?

Olivia smiled at him: That's it, "charming"!

Elliot: Oh Liv, stop with this, please!

Olivia: Can someone call Elliot at some point?

Munch: Sure! I've always dreamed to play the role of your wife, El!

Olivia laughed

Elliot: Huang, this man needs a shrink, he pointed at Munch.

They entered the interview room

Olivia: Good morning, Mr Baker!

Elliot: I'm Detective Stabler, she is Detective Benson.

Allan: Good morning! It's your turn to harass me?

Olivia: Mmh? Harass? I like this word!

Elliot: Liv, he's not one of your suitors!

Olivia: What?

Elliot: If you always act like this, you won't ever find the right man!

Elliot looked at Allan

Elliot: She doesn't know how to proceed in seduction…she's a disaster.

Allan: It's normal, women don't have to do it. The men do have to seduce, not the contrary.

Elliot: I agree…but she's not patient. I often explained her how I seduced my lovely wife, but she doesn't want to keep this in mind. I'm sure it was the same for Ana and Harry, you knew them, so maybe you can explain her how Harry seduced Ana?  
I think he sent her flowers, invited her to the restaurant and lifted her home as gentleman…Went with her to her favorite singer concert, or see paintings…walked with her on the beach, his hand…

Allan: It's not the same with Ana and Harry.

He was nervous.

Elliot's phone rang.

Elliot: Honey? What can I do for you? …. Sure I'm available for lunch.

He looked at Olivia who glanced at him angrily.

Elliot: Ok, see you there at noon, I love you honey! Excuse me, my wife…

Olivia: Did you forget our meeting?

Elliot: Which meeting?

Olivia: El! You told me you would come with me to see Kyle and his team for the baseball match of next Sunday! If you don't come…

Elliot: Sorry…But I think I won't be there either for the match!

Olivia: You're kidding? I know you care about your family but it's too much Elliot! You have friends too and they count on you!

Allan: Nothing's more important than family!

Elliot: Did you hear what he said? I'm sure Harry would have done the same with Ana, am I right, Allan?

Allan felt more and more nervous.

Allan: No, actually he was not a good husband for her.

Elliot: Really?

Allan: He did not see she was a princess…

Olivia: A princess??? Explain me, I'm curious!

Elliot: Liv! Excuse her, she's in a bad mood today. Her date of yesterday was bad.

Allan looked straight in the eyes of Olivia.

Allan: Some women are princesses, some women are not. It is the way they move, they act, they talk, they smile, they watch….a lot of things make a difference between a princess and other women. Ana is a princess. She was a princess. But due to her husband she became a woman like all the others. He did not treat her like a princess so she lost herself…

His eyes showed more and more how silly he was.

Allan: I tried to save her, but it was too late.

Elliot: How did you try, Allan? You sent her flowers at home?

Allan: No!!! As he could not treat her like a princess he lost he rights on her and I did not want to give him clues to return back. I sent her flowers at work. Her colleagues did not see she's a princess either. I am the only one who saw it! I asked her out and we went to lunch sometimes, I talked to her, but I feared it was too late.

Elliot: What thing told you it was too late?

Allan looked at him.

Allan: She told me she was pregnant.

Elliot: You must have been the happiest man in the world.

Allan: She had an abortion….

Elliot: And she did not tell you?

Allan: No….she killed our love child!

Elliot: So you had to take her life. She became a woman like the others…She disappointed you…

Allan: She….she had another child with Harry who did not care about her as I was and she killed our love child! I knew their family could not exist anymore…

Elliot: You had to clean your fairytale to make another one.

Allan: Yes!

Elliot: So…

Allan: I went to their home yesterday…early in the morning. I wanted to talk to Ana, I wanted to try to save her for a last time….but Harry became angry and we fought. I had to do it, do you understand? They did not fit in my world! She was mine and he destroyed this!

Elliot: And you decided to make love a last time.

Allan: Yes, I had to make love to the woman I loved a last time, the last time to say good bye!

Allan lowered his gaze. Elliot and Olivia glanced at each other and left the room.


	7. Chapter 7

Later in the afternoon Elliot and Olivia were writing their reports on the Carpenter case when Elliot's phone rang.

Elliot: Stabler!...Oh my God! Are you sure? Yes yes it's ok for me! Wait a minute please! Captain! Some news for me?

Cragen: Yes, I have some suggestions, everything is alright!

Elliot smiled and took his mobile again.

Elliot: Where can I see you? Ok, I come at once. Captain, I have to go!

Cragen: Ok, keep in touch!

Elliot: Sure! See you Liv!

Olivia: Where are you going?

Cragen returned to his desk avoiding Olivia

Elliot: I have something to do, I'll call you later!

She stood speechless and looked at Munch and Fin.

Fin: I don't know anything, Liv, I' m sorry!

Munch: Neither do I!

Olivia: He's strange today.

Munch: Today only?

Olivia: Munch!

**PRECINCT, 6pm  
**  
Olivia stretched her arms and tried to message her neck.

She was tired, her eyes stung, all she wanted was to come back home, take a hot shower and drop on her bed. But maybe she could first give a phone call to Lucy to hear news from Mathew. Or directly go there? _He's not your child Liv, He's not your child, and that's not good for him to see you often. It will be more difficult later when a couple would come to…_.she bit her lip to take away her tears.

Her phone rang. The id showed Lucy.

Olivia: Lucy! What's going on?

Lucy: Well, Liv it is a little embarrassing, I need your advice on something but I can't talk to you on phone, could you come here?

Olivia: Is Mathew alright?

Lucy: Yes! Please Olivia…

Olivia: I'm on my way! Captain, I'm sorry, I have to go…

Cragen: Sure! See you later, Liv!

Olivia left the precinct. She was surprised Cragen told nothing more. He was not the kind of boss who was really strict on hours but he liked when the job was done in the right time and she did not finish all her paper work. But she didn't mind more as she wanted to see Mathew. She hurried to the social centre.

**SOCIAL CENTRE, 6.40 pm  
**  
Olivia: Lucy! What's going on?

Lucy: I think Mathew needs you…

Olivia: You said he was alright?

Lucy: Yes, I did, and he is but I think he misses you.

Olivia: Ok.

She entered a room where kids were playing. Mathew was sitting on a cushion, trying to get in contact with another child who apparently had a toy which interested Mathew a lot.

Olivia called Mathew. He turned to her, smiled and called her with little cries. He held his arms out to her.

Olivia: Hi sweetie! You know someday you'll have to say something more! I know you don't want to speak now, but promise me you'll try soon. He nodded as if he agreed and took her necklace.  
Outside of the room Lucy looked at them through the window. Elliot came to her.

Elliot: Is she already here?

Lucy: Yes, She's with Mathew. Where is Gillian? I had to lie to Olivia and I don't like that!

Elliot: There is a lot of traffic jam, she's coming with the papers.

Lucy: so it's official now?

Elliot: Yes, she has just to sign if she agrees.

Lucy smiled.

Lucy: Good!

Gillian ran down the hall.

Gillian: I'm here!

Lucy: where have you been?

Gillian: Sorry, I drove the fastest I could.

Lucy: Ok, how do you proceed?

Elliot: Call her and I will introduce Gillian and explain her.

Lucy opened the door.

Lucy: Olivia! Can I see you a minute?

Olivia saw Elliot and Gillian outside of the room. She put Mathew on his feet and closed the door. She looked at Elliot.

Olivia: What are you doing here?

Elliot: Let me introduce you the lady on my right.

Olivia: We already met, Elliot!

Elliot: Yes, but you don't know her name or her job.

Olivia looked at Elliot disconcerted.

Gillian: My name is Gillian Gordon. I work for the social centre as a councilor for the Judge of Family Affairs.

Olivia: Mathew has a new family?

Gillian: Yes. And we want your advice.

Olivia bit her lip and took a deep breath.

Olivia: I can't. I'm not a mother and I'm not qualified for this.

Elliot: You know Mathew better than anybody else here.

Gillian: Please look at the file.

Olivia took the file and looked at Elliot full of pain and hurt. He tried not to smile.

She opened the file and read:

"Name of Child: MATHEW HARRY CARPENTER

Date of Birth: Jul. 2d, 2006

Parents: Ana and Harry Carpenter, deceased

Adoptive parents: Olivia Helena Benson…"

She could not read further. She lifted her head and her eyes met Elliot's. His eyes were tearful and he smiled at her as she looked at him.

Olivia: I don't understand.

She looked at Gillian.

Olivia: You want me to keep Mathew until his adoption?

Gillian: No

Olivia began to understand. She feared to understand a wrong thing.

Olivia: Please explain me I'm not sure to understand.

Gillian: Yes you do. You are now the mother of Mathew.

Olivia closed the file and held it to Gillian.

Olivia: I'm sorry I can't.

Gillian: what?

Olivia whose cheeks were wet sighed

Olivia: I can't follow you, I know this request will be refused. I've already tried, and….Elliot! Why did not you tell her?

Gillian: Olivia! YOU ARE THE MOTHER OF MATHEW! Well, if you want to, of course! I watched you acting with him, the way he reacted when he saw you, and your partner convinced me. He told me things about you I've never heard before.

Olivia looked at Elliot, she put a hand on her mouth.

Gillian: But there are constraints, you have to change your job, or low your work hours, but if I well understood it's not possible. And you'll have to be followed by our services and meet regularly our social assistants and shrink. If you agree with these terms, you sign here, and tonight you take Mathew home.

Olivia: Oh my God!

She cried, her body began to shake.

Olivia: Oh my God I don't' know how to do, I have to tell Cragen, and…

Elliot: It's already done, Liv. You have 3 weeks off, as holidays, and he already has some suggestions for your new job, Mommy!

Olivia dropped on her knees and Elliot caught her just before she collapsed on the floor. Lucy and Gillian ran to keep some fresh water. Elliot took Olivia by her waist and held her against him. She felt as if the world was spinning around. She was still crying.

Olivia: Oh my God… Oh my God… Oh my God… Oh my God…

Elliot: you ok, Mommy?

She bit her lip and laughed. She sighed heavily, looked at Elliot straight in the eyes. They looked at each other, their mutual gaze full of non said things. She took his face in her hand and quickly and passionately kissed him. He did not move. Against his lips, full of tears she said.

Olivia: Thanks Elliot. It's the best day of my life!

She left him and rushed into the room. Gillian and Lucy came back with sugar and fresh water. Elliot was still standing at the same place. A lot of emotions inside him, proud of her, happy for her, happy of this kiss, burning for her…

Lucy: Elliot?

Elliot: Yes?

Lucy: Are you alright? You look like you need this glass of water more than Olivia!

Elliot laughed.

Olivia picked up Mathew:

Olivia: Do you want to come with Olivia? At home? At your home?

She kissed him in his cheeks and came to Gillian.

Olivia: Where do I sign?


	8. Chapter 8

Gillian smiled:

Gillian: Come with me at my desk we will be more comfortable.

Olivia followed her looking at Mathew. She could not believe she could have this chance now. She loved Mathew and becoming his adoptive mother meant so much for her.

Gillian entered her room followed by Olivia and Mathew, and then Elliot and Lucy.

Elliot: Liv, do you want me to stay or…

Liv looked at him as if just said nonsense.

Liv: Of course Elliot, you are part of my life, and thanks to you…

She could not end her sentence. She bit her lip and tears flowed down her cheeks. She sat facing Gillian and Elliot came near Olivia. She took his arm to make him understand he had to sit near her.

Lucy: I'm sorry, I have to go and check for other kids, Olivia, if you need anything…

Olivia: We keep in touch Lucy, I'll visit you with Mathew sometimes!

Lucy: That's nice, thanks. Take care of yourself, and no need to ask you to take care of him!

She smiled and left.

Gillian opened the file:

Gillian: Olivia, I know you already requested for an adoption, so you know this kind of papers, but I want you to read carefully these ones. You have to sign down each page.

Olivia: Ok.

She took the papers and Mathew tried to catch one.

Olivia: Sweetie, please let me read! If you want me to take you with me home, let me read, she said, taking his little hand in hers.

Elliot: Do you want me to take him just a few minutes? It would be easier for you to read!

Olivia: NO, thanks, El.

She smiled at him

Olivia: I can do it with him!

Elliot: Alright…he smiled at her.

She was so gorgeous by this time. If only he could take a picture…but surely he will record this moment in his memories.  
She had the little boy on her laps, and sometimes took away his hands, he was playing with her shirt and her necklaces. She was not disturbed at all and nothing could cut her from her reading.

_It's so easy for you, he thought. You should have done this long time ago, Liv. Why did you wait so long? Were you always waiting for the right man? If only I did not go back to Kathy that night! My Eli would be now hers and maybe with Mathew, they could have been brothers. Oh God Elliot! What are you thinking? You love your wife, you love your wife, you love your wife…oh Liv…why is it so complicated? _

Olivia lifted her head and took a pen on Gillian's desk. She signed each page and pushed all papers to Gillian.

Olivia: Done!

Gillian: Congratulations, Olivia! You're now a happy mother of such a cute boy! However keep in mind you have to change your job, meet the social assistant, and the shrink regularly.

Olivia: Don't worry, I won't forget! Can we go home now?

Gillian: Yes, you can! So…come to visit me sometimes. I'd like to hear some news from you.

Olivia shook the hand of Gillian:

Olivia: Sure! No worries…

She stood up and …

Olivia: Oh no…

Gillian: What?

Olivia: It's late now, and I have nothing to settle him at home. I have to make arrangements in my flat, but…

Elliot: What do you need to begin your settlement? A car seat, stuffs to clean him and dress him, a bed, things to feed him…

Olivia was lost.

Olivia: Yes, … I have to hurry if I want to find the minimum tonight!

Elliot laughed.

Elliot: ok, I repeat… A car seat, stuffs to clean him and dress him, a bed, things to feed him…

Olivia: Yes! Elliot, that's what I mean!

Elliot looked at Gillian: I can assure you she's not as slow to understand at work!

Gillian: Thanks to precise!

Olivia stood speechless. She looked at him with questioning eyes.

Elliot smiled at her: You will keep Mathew on your laps till your home, I'll drive. Someone's waiting for you there.

Olivia: Who?

Elliot: It's Christmas before time!

Olivia: What?

Elliot: Stop asking, and follow me, Mommy!

Olivia smiled at him. She was curious to see what he planned more. She was grateful for what he did. No she was more than grateful. He gave her the chance of being a mother…she still not believe she was allowed to take Mathew home definitely, she had the official right to come home with him.  
She climbed into his car and put Mathew on her laps. She put the adoption papers in her purse and fastened the seat belt. She held Mathew in her arms and kissed him on the cheek. Elliot took a glance at her through the inside mirror and smiled. He turned the car on and drove to hers.  
Few minutes later they arrived and Elliot helped her going out of the car with Mathew who fell asleep on her shoulder.

Olivia took a step outside and saw a car near the sidewalk. She saw someone in it and her cops reflects led her to watch at this car until someone opened the driver door.

Olivia: Melinda? What are you doing here?

Melinda smiled at her and came to check the little boy.

Melinda: So here is Mathew? He's cute, really. I'm happy for you, Olivia.

Elliot: I needed an accomplice…well two in reality. I talked to Cragen and he will help you for your new job, and I talked to Melinda…to do shopping!

Melinda: Yes! I hope that the things I chose will meet your willingness. I chose as if it was for my boy.

Olivia felt tears coming but she didn't care. She let these coming down her cheeks, so much emotions straight were confusing her. She wanted to put the clock on pause to analyze if all of this was real. But she could not. She just let things going on and had the feeling to be in a train running so fast. It was a good train, good news, good evening, good…

Elliot: Liv? Are you okay? Are you mad at me for telling Cragen and Melinda?

Olivia: Mh? No, no…no…no El, thank you so much, it's just…

She looked at him with eyes full of tears. He smiled at her and kissed her on her forehead.

Elliot: Can Melinda show us what she bought for you, or do you want us to spend the night on the sidewalk?

Olivia smile back: No, come.

Melinda opened the trunk and Elliot took a big package from it and put it on the sidewalk, and Melinda took a big bag.

Elliot took the last package and put it in his car.

Elliot: As your car is still at the social centre I will take the car seat with me and settle it tomorrow in your car, ok?

Olivia: Yes, sure, ok, as you want…

Elliot laughed and took the big package he had let on the sidewalk few minutes ago and went to the building door.  
They all reached Olivia's flat. She took the key from her purse with one hand, the other arm keeping Mathew against her shoulder.  
They entered and Olivia switched the lights on.

Olivia: I will put Mathew in the middle of my bed, I hope he won't fall…

Melinda: Don't worry he sleeps soundly…just a few glances if it can put your mind at rest!

Olivia went to her bedroom. Elliot looked at her and mixed emotions appeared. He was happy for her, really, he knew it was a huge desire from her to become a mother. He knew, well he thought he knew what that meant for her. He knew she'll be a great mother…but he know he won't work with her anymore, and even if he was happy for his "best friend", he feared to lose her. Time can separate people and he feared they could not see each other anymore, and less and less visits lead to no contacts anymore.

Olivia laid her little prince on her bed, taking care of not waking him up. She looked at him sleeping peacefully and smiled. She wanted him to feel safe and secure and she would give her best for that. Tomorrow would be another day, a new beginning in her life, in his life, in their life!

She came back in the living room and saw Elliot open the big package. She smiled.

Olivia: You know I'm really blessed for having you in my life, guys! What did you buy? Melinda you have to tell me how much I have to reimburse you!

Melinda: What? I'm sorry I think I did not hear the last part of your words.

Elliot: Do you know what means Christmas, Olivia? You have to 'cause now you have a little boy who will remind it to you!

Olivia: I can't accept! That's too much!

Melinda: It's from Cragen, Elliot and me, Olivia, relax, just enjoy your gifts!

Olivia: Oh my God...I can't believe this. Will I wake up tomorrow and realize it was just a dream?

Elliot had just finished to open the package and went to Olivia. He looked at her straight in the eyes and pinched her arm.

Olivia: Ouch!! It hurts! El, are you crazy?

Elliot: No! I just wanted you to realize all of this was real…

Olivia could not stop laughing.

She stared at the package Elliot just opened and saw and white child bed.

Elliot: I will assemble this and you could then lay Mathew in it.

Olivia shook her head as she bit her lip. She was so much blessed and felt like a girl having her first doll house. By this time Melinda took some food from the bag and put it on her counter.

Melinda: I will let you arrange this but I wanted to show you the clothes and other stuffs now, I want your impress on them. I have to go then, my daughter is waiting for me.

Olivia: Sure, no problem, thanks for everything Melinda!

Melinda: Look first before saying thanks!

Olivia took the bag and got some boy clothes, little jeans, dungarees, socks, tee shirts…all what a little boy could need, and toiletries.

Olivia: Oh Melinda! These are so cute!! You made good choices, really, it's incredible! Look at these socks!! Melinda, Thank you so much!

She hugged her.

Melinda: I have to go now. Please call me tomorrow, I hope I could come to see you!

Olivia: Sure! Have a nice evening, Melinda, thanks again!

Melinda left and Olivia closed the door. She turned and saw Elliot who finished settling the bed.

Elliot: I think there are sheets and blankets in the stuffs Melinda bought.

Olivia: Yes, here.

She took a white bottom sheet, and a green top sheet with sheeps on it, and a blanket that matched the sheets.

Elliot: Where do you want me to put the bed?

Olivia: In my bedroom first. If Mat wakes up during the night he won't feel alone if I'm near him.

Elliot took the bed and carefully went to her bedroom. She took the little boy in her arms and laid him in the bed. He was still sleeping.

They exited her bedroom as quiet as possible.

Olivia: Do you want something to drink?

Elliot: Yes, thanks.

Olivia: I'm afraid I have no beer anymore, what about a juice?

Elliot: A juice sounds nice.

She took two glasses from her cupboard and a bottle of juice from her fridge. She put everything on a board and went to her couch to lay it on the table.

She saw another package and smile.

Olivia: Elliot, what's this?

Elliot: Well…if I tell you, the wrap won't be useful anymore, so…guess!

Olivia: El, normally I'd love to guess, but right now I'm exhausted, she said sitting on her couch. He sat near her.

Elliot: Ok, I give you a hint: it's not for you.

Olivia: I know that, El, another hint!

Elliot: ok I assume you'll find with this. It's the strongest, the best animal from Mathew point of view.

Olivia:….

Elliot: Tssss….Mommy…you have to remember….

Olivia laughed: No! it's not a donkey, is it?

Elliot smiled at her and she unpacked the gift to discover a soft donkey.

Olivia: Awwhh… El! It's so cute!

She leaned towards him…


	9. Chapter 9

She kissed him on the cheek, a long kiss full of affection. Elliot closed his eyes, his heart beating loudly. He liked the sensation of her soft lips on his cheeks. He wanted to turn his head to kiss her but he knew he was not allowed to. He knew she wouldn't understand, she already had a great day and he knew she was completely lost, happy, but he knew she needed time to land on earth. He looked at her and their eyes met. Their gazes were locked and after few seconds she smiled at him.

Olivia: El, I want to apologize for the kiss at the social centre.

El: _Oh my God no, don't apologize, I'll never regret it or forget_…Liv…

Olivia: I'm sorry, really I am, I don't know what went through my mind at this point, I shouldn't have…

El: I didn't push you back.

She looked at him speechless  
He turned his head, sighed, and looked at his feet.

El: I have to go now. I will call you tomorrow to plan how we can pick up your car from the social centre, and…good night Liv.

He stood up and went to her door. He unlocked it and left. She stayed on her couch, a lot of thoughts were on her mind.

_Oh my God, why did he just say that? Why? Does that mean something? If so…what? _

_Did he accept this kiss as a friend? We have known each other since a long time now...and...No Liv, he's a married man, you respect Kathy, his family, they just had another child together…and no need to think how. No Liv, it's obvious, he loves her and always will, don't think about it anymore….why did he say that?? Why do I have to care about his answer? His my best friend, my… future ex partner, so my best friend only…only…he has always been and will always be…my BEST FRIEND…Liv stop! You have now to go to bed if you want to have enough energy to take your son in charge tomorrow…my son…my son…I wanted so much say this one day…my son!!!_

She stood up, took a last sip of her juice and went to the bedroom. She shower and let the water fall down her body, her head…maybe water could skip her thoughts.

She grabbed her pj and collapsed on her bed.

**PRECINCT, 8am****  
**  
Elliot pushed the door and looked at Olivia's desk. There were still some files on it, but he knew soon it would be empty.

Fin: Elliot!!! Are you trying to look for Olivia? I confirm you she's not here.

El: I know. And she won't be anymore.

Fin: What?

Elliot looked at Fin

El: Yeah…I will wait for Cragen to tell you.

Fin: What happened? Where is she? Is she ok?

El: Yes, don't worry, really Fin, don't worry.

Cragen went out from his office.

Cragen: Good morning boys. Elliot, how's Olivia?

El: She's fine. She's happy. I will pick up later today to take her car from the social centre.

Munch: Social centre?? Did she change her job?

Cragen: She will, but not for the social centre.

Munch: Hahahaha, really funny, Capt'n, where is she?

Cragen: At home. With her son.

Munch: Did you eat a clown this morning?

Elliot: It's true, John. Do you remember the kid of Carpenters?

Fin: The one who was shouting loudly when we arrived at their house?

El: Yes. He had a good connection with Olivia. And she with him. He did not want to be touched by anyone else than her. I spoke with a woman there. She is in charge of adoptions for the centre. She passed all steps for Olivia and pleaded her case on the Family Affairs at the Court and she obtained Olivia to be the adoptive mother for Mathew. That's why I left early yesterday.

Cragen: She has to change her job if she wants to keep him. She is in holiday by this time and within around 3 weeks she will get a new job.

Fin and Munch looked at each other angry.

Fin: Could you explain why you did not tell anything to us? We are not enough reliable?

Elliot: No… not at all…she did not know I spoke with this woman, she did not know what we tried to do and everything went so fast…I feared to receive a refusal and I preferred to keep it secret and just inform the Captain so that he could excuse some delays …do you understand? It has nothing to do with you, guys…

Munch: It's ok, El. That's great news. I prefer hearing she's leaving because of her son instead of anything else. Does she plan to come here today with her son?

Elliot wanted to answer but his phone rang.

El: Stabler!

El: Hi, Liv! How are you? And Mathew? Good….

He laughed softly…

El: Yes, of course! When do you think you'll be ready? … Ok! I'll pick up you and Mathew at eleven, and we can have lunch together then…Ok! I tell them…See you later, bye!

He hung up.

El: Liv suggests coming here for lunch with Mathew, to introduce him to you. Is it ok for you?

Munch: Of course!

Fin: I don't even understand how you dare to ask!

Cragen: I'll Melinda and ask Huang if he would be willing to plan food for us. We could eat all together in one of our room.

He returned to his desk.

**PRECINCT, 12am.  
**  
Olivia entered the room with Eli and Elliot. She smiled at everyone.

Olivia: Hi everybody!

Fin et Munch looked at her. They could not believe what they were seeing. Olivia, with a child hanged in her arms, this was not unusual, but this time it was her child, and this was for real. She went to Cragen first.

Olivia: Good morning Captain!

Cragen: Good morning Olivia, no need to ask how you are doing, your smily face shows it.

She smiled and turned to Mathew

Olivia: Mathew, I'm pleased to let you meet Don. He's my future ex Captain. He's always been in this unit and even in the whole NY police squads…

Don: Hey, Liv, you are making me older than I am, please!

She turned then to Fin and Munch.

Olivia: Here is Fin, a strong cop of our unit. He can teach you everything you don't need to know right now about the street and its dangers…

Fin: Mmmhh..I don't know if I will take this as a compliment or not.

Olivia: You're a kind of big brother…but as you are already mine, I suggest so you could be his…strong and careful uncle???

Fin: Ok, if only it places Don as the grandfather.

Cragen: Hey!!!

Olivia: Of course, Fin!

Fin: Deal!

Olivia: Here is Munch, another uncle, but swear me baby if he suggests you tell you stories to make you sleep, please, refuse! He would tell you nonsense things about a new theory I don't know. Apart from this, he is a nice guy, and I'm sure he'll take care of you too!

Munch: Of course, I'll do! My favorite nephew! Come here, and don't trust your mommy, she never understood what I said, and never will…

Olivia gave Mathew to Munch who did not seem embarrassed at all. Everybody looked at him, but he didn't notice. He had a little boy in his arms, a little boy he could call nephew and that's all that matters by this time.

Melinda entered the room followed by Huang.

Melinda: Hey!!! Little boy!!! How are you???  
She went to Mathew. Huang looked at Olivia, and she smiled at him.

Olivia: Morning!

Huang: Good morning, Olivia. I'm happy for you…

Olivia: Thanks.

She then looked at Elliot who had not kept his eyes away from her since the moment they entered.

They looked at each other, and their gaze expressed so much that they were alone on their own world. For one moment they forgot they were surrounded by all the squad and they paid no attention to others. Mathew kept her attention back. He claimed for her and she took him back.

Huang invited everybody to enter the room he prepared for lunch.

They all made their way and only Elliot stood there, not being able to move.

As Munch entered the room the last one, he turned to Elliot

Munch: Hey, El! Won't you come for lunch?

Elliot: Yes, I just have to do a phone call, help yourselves, I'll join you later.

He left the room with these words.

Everybody sat but Olivia saw Elliot was not there.

Munch: Liv, he's coming, he told me he had a phone call, and he'll join us later.

Olivia understood at once it was a lie. She turned to Melinda.

Olivia: Mel, could you take care of Mathew just few minutes, I come back.

Melinda: Sure, you can! Cone here, my boy!

Olivia left the room and went to the roof. She saw him, looking away, his gaze lost in the deep. She quietly and softly came near him and put her left hand on his shoulder.

Olivia: What's going on, El? Please tell me…

She was sure she would have to ask a lot before he could say few words. But this time it was not the case.

He cleared his throat.

Elliot: Liv…I'm happy for you, really I am and you know it.

She did not want to interrupt him. He was willing to talk without any problem, so she let him talk.

Elliot: I just fear I'll lose you at the end.

Liv: El…

Elliot: I know it's a good thing for you, I know you will leave this unit, and….a new life for you. You will have a new job, new hours, after work you'll go home with Mathew, spend a good evening with him, and the day after, go to work, and then…

Liv: Elliot, I forbid you to think we won't see each other anymore.

El: It's bound it will happen, my hours, yours, my family, yours…

He looked at her with tears in the eyes.

El: I don't know if I can bear this. I'm not sure I would bear it. Liv, all these years long we used to be together the whole day…

Liv: Elliot, I forbid you to think we won't see each other anymore.

El: and so what, Liv! We could have 5 minutes in a month for a brief coffee?

Liv: El, don't be so rude…

El: I'm not rude, it's reality, and you know it.

She felt her tears coming.

Liv: Don't think about things that did not happen yet. I have first to choose another job. Let me see first what I can take and how I can arrange things with work and Mathew, and then you could make suppositions. You know I have some criteria in mind for my job and one of these is that I don't want to work too far from you, El.

She could not dare looking in his eyes, she looked at other buildings across the road.

Elliot: Are you serious?

Liv: Yes, I am.

She lifted her head and held his gaze. She was waiting for him to answer something that could confirm her she was right for having told him this.

Elliot: Liv,…Wow…Never thought you could do that, never thought you could think about it….

He bit his lip.

Elliot: That's a good thing…

Liv smiled at him shyly.

Olivia: Really?

Elliot smiled at her, bit his lip again and as a teenage who tried for the first time to express his feelings he said softly:

Elliot: I don't want to lose you, Liv. I could not bear it. You mean so much to me.

Olivia felt herself as if she would pass out. She could not believe her ears.

Olivia: same for me, El, she said softly.

Elliot: What? I did not hear!, he said with a smirk.

Olivia slapped him on the arm.

Olivia: Yes you did!

Elliot: Mmmhh. I'm not quite sure!

Olivia: Elliot!

He laughed and hugged her. He smelt her perfume and wanted to hold her as long as he could. She felt his body against hers and wanted to disappear in his arms. She put her head on his shoulder and he slid his head in her neck. He kissed her soft skin which made her shiver in her whole body. He felt her shiver and lifted his head to meet her eyes. He let his forehead on hers and sighed.

Elliot: Liv…

Liv: El, you can't lose me. You won't.

With these words they smiled at each other and slowly came back to the room to enjoy the lunch with the team and to toast the new life of Olivia, a new life as a mother.


	10. Chapter 10

Elliot had not seen Olivia since days. He had only talked to her on phone for few minutes. He was busy with a new case, too much suspects, too much possibilities, and for her part, she was studying new positions and managing with her new life as a mother.

He missed her

She missed him

They were too busy, but always thought of each other. When drinking a coffee he asked himself if she was drinking her tea at the same time. When eating with Mathew she thought of Elliot who maybe hadn't lunch for a long time.

She was sitting on her couch, reading suggestions, Mathew was slipping. She wanted to call him but feared to call at a wrong moment. She wanted to ask him to come to visit her when he would have time, but…

He was sitting on the corner of his desk watching at the white board, hoping the solution would appear under his eyes soon. He thought it would be easier if she would still be at his side. He wanted to call her to ask if he could come to visit her tonight after work but…

_No…Leave her alone, he thought. She has a lot of things to do and if she wanted to see you she would have called you. Yes, but you are the one who is busy with work. Maybe she doesn't dare to disturb you at work. Maybe she just doesn't dare to call you. Maybe…maybe…oh crap Stabler, be a man, call her! She hadn't given any news from a long time and she promised I won't lose her…let's see if you can trust her!_

He grabbed his phone and went to the crib not to be disturbed.

Dial

Ring

Ring again

3rd ring…

_Maybe she's busy…_

Liv: Hi El! What's up?

El: Hi! Well…I was just wondering if everything was ok… _crap…be a man, don't act like a teenager, ask her!_

Liv: Yeah…I'm fine, so is Mathew. I'm studying vacancies by this time.

El: Anything interesting?

Liv: Yes, do you want me to talk about it now?

El: ..mmmhh…well, actually I thought, I wondered, if you are not too busy…or…if you don't mind…

Liv: Come after work, El.

El laughed lightly: Not my partner anymore but still read my mind…

Liv: See you tonight so? Just give me a phone call when you leave the precinct, ok?

El: ok…bye honey.

He hung up.

_God…did I just call her honey?_

_God…did he just call me honey?_

PRECINCT, 7pm.

Elliot was still sitting at his desk. He had read all papers spread everywhere on his desk but couldn't find anything interesting. No clue, no evident sign, nothing… The fact was that it was difficult to stay focused on the goal when thinking of Olivia. He would see her tonight, at hers…he wanted to see her so much, he missed her not only as a partner but as a friend, as…just as Olivia. The detective Olivia, the friend Olivia, the stubborn Olivia, the strong Olivia, the compassionate Olivia, the woman Olivia…_with her chocolate eyes, her skin…might be so soft, her way to look at me, the way she holds me a cup of coffee, the way she can calm me down or be angry against me, she does not fear me, she protects me….stop! stop it Stabler! You're slipping and may think too far… skip your thoughts and stay focused…._

Cragen: Elliot!

Elliot: Yeah, Cap?

Cragen: How many times do I have to repeat my question?

Elliot: Sorry Sir, I'm seeking for some clue in this huge amount of papers, and nothing yet…I assume I should…

Cragen: …go home and come back tomorrow with refresh mind. You'd be more efficient

Elliot: ok Sir, see you tomorrow.

He ordered rapidly his papers on his desk, went to his locker, took new clothes and made his way to the bathroom of the station.

He hurried in shower and then grabbed all his stuff. He walked to the parking to open the sedan and called Liv.

Elliot: Hey, Liv, I'm on my way, do you want me to bring something to eat?

He stopped walking, speechless in the middle of the parking

Elliot: No, you're kidding, aren't you? Can't wait to see that! Ok, then so I come. Are you sure you don't need anything? Ok! See you in few minutes!

He hung up and smiled.

_A woman full of surprises too…_

OLIVIA'S FLAT

Knocks on the door…

Olivia: Who's this?

Elliot: Liv, it's me!

She opened the door. Elliot stood there, his hands behind his back.

Elliot: One of your neighbours recognized me and let me in.

He followed her inside her flat. He smelt good things from the kitchen but could not guess what she cooked.

Elliot: So…how was your day?

Olivia turned to him with a glass of wine. She smiled at him.

Olivia: Good! Want a glass of wine or are you on duty tonight?

Elliot had still his hands behind his back.

Elliot: I'd like to, but I can't, my hands are already used.

Olivia: What for?

He held her flowers.

Elliot: For you.

Olivia blushed and put the glass on the corner.

Olivia: El, wow…they are beautiful! Why?

She went to him and took the flowers.

Elliot: Well…I don't know…We hadn't seen each other since you left and…

She put them in water and arranged everything on the corner to emphasize them. The only thing that caught the eyes was the flowers on the corner. She looked at them.

Olivia: Really Elliot, they are beautiful, I love them. Thank you so much.

Elliot: I assume Mathew is sleeping?

Olivia: Yes, we wandered a lot in the park today and he was really tired.

Elliot: Can I just see him? I'd like to see the big boy I think he became.

Olivia laughed: Yes, in few days he changed a lot.

She guided him to her bedroom. She opened the door slightly and he saw Mathew sleeping peacefully. He smiled and exited the room.

Olivia: He's begun to speak.

Elliot: Really?

Olivia: Yes! He makes people understand what he wants. He improves himself day after day.

Elliot: That proves he feels secure with you.

Olivia: I hope! I just fear the day I'll have to work again. I hope he won't believe I leave him.

Elliot smirked: Is that you really fear this or…are you afraid to leave him and not spend a full day with him?

Olivia smiled: Both, I think! You know El, I already understood the fear you could have for you kids. The fact that when catching up a suspect you think of your kids. But now, I have another view and I do know the fear you have. I have the same now.

Elliot: And this won't ever disappear.

Olivia: I know.

Elliot: So you said you'd cook for us tonight…explanations?

Olivia: Yes, I wanted to cook for my son because I want to feed him with natural products…

Elliot: If Munch heard this he would love it!

Olivia: and so I re opened my old cooking books, and tried some things.

Elliot: Tonight is a new try?

Olivia laughed: Are you afraid I may poison you?

Elliot smiled again: No! Not at all…

Olivia: You're such a bad liar, Elliot!

Elliot: I'm kidding…I'm glad to taste what you cooked.

Olivia: Good! So come on, it's ready!

Elliot: What did you cook?

Olivia: Chicken with cream, nature vegetables and mashed potatoes, everything cut, sliced and home prepared!

Elliot: God! I'm impressed!

Olivia: Don't speak too fast, taste it first!

She brought the meal on the table.

Olivia: As the French say. "Bon Appetit"!

They sat and began to eat silently.  
After few minutes Olivia could not resist:  
Liv: El, what's wrong?  
El: Nothing, I'm fine. It's really delicious, Liv!  
Liv: Thanks but don't avoid the subject, I know you, El, I know there is something wrong. What's it?  
El sighed , took a sip of wine and looked Olivia straight.  
El: It's a case, but I don't want to bother you with it.  
Liv: Bother me? El, we have worked together for nearly 10 years....  
El: Yeah...that's too.  
Liv: What?  
He stood up and went to the window.  
She follwed him and stayed behind him.  
Liv: El, please talk to me.  
El: I miss you...I can't handle a case, I don't understand what I have to find....I lost control and...  
He bit his lip  
She moved toward him and put her hands on his shoulders. He turned and hug her. He repeated against her neck:  
El: I miss you, Olivia, really, I miss you so much.  
She embraced him and put her hand on his head.  
Liv: I miss you too,El. I'm happy being a mother, having Mathew in my life but I miss you too.  
They pulled apart and locked their gaze. He put his hand on her cheek and caressed it with his thumb.  
El: Liv,...  
Liv: Yeah, tell me El...Tell how I can help you.  
El: He went to the table to drink a few wine.  
El: I have a perfect family, no evidence of something wrong, but the point is that the oldest daughter was raped. No fluid, bruises on legs, marks of links on wrists...but any f****** clue. It seems that everybody has everybody's back, in the family, in close friends, at school....I don't know how to help her, it is as if the world was against her. I know there is something not clear with this family. But...God I can't find anything!

Liv: And the labs?

El: Nothing really helpful... I have a wrong feeling about this family...

Liv: What kind?

El: I feel as if we are...

Liv: What?

El: Liv...It is as if our team was in danger....It's weird, I can't explain that but...

Liv: Did you talk to Cragen?

El: No...he would ask me to go home and take some rest...

Liv: It may be a good thing...

El: No...It won't. I need to work or I'll be crazy soon.

Liv: Ok then...ask Huang, maybe he will find what's wrong and help you with a new clue.  
El: Mmh...I'll think of it.

Liv: Yes you should. Tomorrow I'll have lunch with Melinda. do you want to join us?  
El: No, thanks. I know she'll be happy to share a moment with you and Mathew.  
Liv: Ok..

They talked again a few about the case and Elliot began to relax by her side. He was feeling comfortable with her and she loved being with him at hers, with nothing more than them talking, glasses of wine and soft music.  
He left at midnight, apologizing for being so talkative, which made her laugh...Stabler is not really a talkative guy.


	11. Chapter 11

The day after Melinda, Olivia and Mathew were sitting in a restaurant. Olivia was feeding Mathew as Melinda was explaining her version of the case. They talked about the case and new life of Olivia, the job suggestions she received and Melinda asked her:  
Mel: And for Elliot?  
Liv: What?  
Mel: How do you manage?  
Liv: Manage what?  
Mel: You know what I mean, Liv, C'mon!  
Liv: No I don't!  
Mel: Ok, you want clear words! You both used to work together all day long, you don't see him a lot anymore, so does he, he misses you, you miss him....he left Kathy last week....  
Liv: WHAT???  
Mel: He didn't tell you?  
Liv: No! I saw him yesterday and he never mentionned that point!  
Mel: Ooops! I said something I shouldn't have, she added with a grin on her face.  
Liv: What happened?  
Mel: You have to ask if if you want to know. I already said too much.  
Liv: Mel!  
Mel: I have to go, or I'll be late. Come with me, you may see him at the precinct and I'm sure guys will be happy to see you!  
Liv: Ok, I follow you!  
Mel: Good girl!

Melinda and Olivia paid their bill and exited the restaurant. Olivia went to her car and sat Mathew in his seat, fastened the belt and sat at the driver seat. She started the car but her thoughts went to what Melinda said.

_"He left Kathy last week"_

_Oh My God...Oh My God....Oh My God....why didn't he tell me? I have to know. I have to make the situation clear. I have to know what his feelings are for me...no wait Benson, first, he just left his wife, and secondly he's your partner....well not. But he used to be. And your best friend too. That's all. THAT'S ALL!!! So why are you going to ask him why he left? No...no you won't ask him this, you will only ask him __**why **__he __**did not tell**__**you**__...that's better...never show him your feelings, NEVER !!! Which feelings Benson? He's your best friend...he's your best friend...and best friends never become lovers or it will destroy everything....yeah that's better to think that....so why do you still have butterflies in your stomach, Benson? C'mon, act as a big girl, as a mother, your only interest is Mathew now, and your new jpob, and that's easier...so simple....my son needs me, I have to focuse on that...my son needs me....._

Oh MY GOD !!!!...Olivia shouted....

Olivia heard a big sound of an explosion. Her car was blown on the side. Panicked people invaded the pavements. Everyone ran into a panic in many different directions.  
She was shocked and turned towards Mathew who was sleeping peacefully. From her seat she caught her son, took her bag and left the car. She stopped a woman who passed and asked her:  
"What happened? "  
She answered : "An explosion at the police station!" and ran .  
Olivia felt its stomach to be turned over and she made a path through the crowd. She saw Melinda by far and tried to join her. When she could finally approach, she asked her:  
"How are you ? Have you been hurt? Where did the explosion take place?" But Melinda did not dare to answer, she looked Olivia in the eyes. Olivia understood.  
"No… no...this is not possible."  
She felt her knees bending.  
Melinda: "Liv… "  
Olivia looked Melinda straight in the eyes  
Liv: "No, it can't happen, I won't let it happen. I can't lose him. Keep Mathew, if in any case he awakes, give him his bear and tell him that I left to seek another one and that I come back asap or he will panic."  
Avoiding waiting for the answer of Melinda she put Mathew in her arms and ran as quickly as crowd made it possible.  
After few minutes of a battle against the crowd, she reached the steps of the station. She felt as if she had rowed against a river and as she looked up to the offices where she used to work she saw...well nothing. Windows had disappeared, and fire was on the whole flour. She feared she would vomit but she focused only on the fact she would not allow herself to collapse without seeing Elliot.  
She hurried into the building and ran upstairs. Without thinking of anything else she opened a door and shouted "Elliot". She was wrapped by hard dark smoke and she couldn't almost breathe.  
She made her way to her former squad, always shouting "Elliot". She could not stop but shouting his name, she did not hear not even see other detectives. She was just looking for her love and nothing else mattered. "Elliot, can you hear me?" She saw Munch with bleeding temple.  
Liv: Oh God, Munch! Go outside right now! Can you walk?  
Munch: Yes, I can, Liv, it's just that...  
Liv: Munch, I guess someone called 911 so go out now!  
Munch was completely lost and another policeman came and helped him to walk.  
Policeman: I'll take care of him, Benson! Are you hurt?  
Liv: No, I heard the explosion and came here...did you see Elliot?  
Policeman: No, sorry... I don't know...  
Liv: It's ok, no problem, please take care of John, ok?  
She walked further and shouted again "Elliot"  
The smoke became stronger but as stubborn as she is she did not want to return.  
She shouted once more "Elliot!"  
She felt someone grabb her arm.  
"What are you doing here?  
Liv: El...oh my God!"  
She put a hand on her mouth and began to cry.  
Liv: Oh my God I was so scared!  
El: Liv! What are you doing here? Are you hurt? Where is Mathew?  
Liv: He's fine, he's safe with Melinda outside. I heard the explosion and...." she could not end her sentence. She bit her lip.  
El: Did you come here to find me? That's it, Liv? You entered a building in fire to look for me?  
Liv: ...  
El: Liv! " He could not believe she did such a thing. It was so dangerous, so meaningless, so stupid, so....so...  
Liv: We have to go out, Elliot, we are in danger here.  
She was going to exit the hall but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back. He crashed his lips on hers, and put his arms around her to hold her as closer as possible. She did not understand what was happening but when she realized he was kissing her she relaxed. They deepened the kiss and for a little moment time was suspended. There was no more smoke, no fire, no one else, no...  
"Hey! It's no the right time!"  
They broke the kiss and realized they were surrounded by firemen. They did not hear any siren, not even firemen spreading in the whole flour.  
El: Sorry, sir...we go out now.  
Fireman: Yes you do! This way please! I assume you did not see anybody else here?...Yeah! Of course! Out!  
They both landed and El took Liv's hand and they ran downstairs.  
They exited the building and Liv made her way to Melinda, followed by Elliot.

Olivia and Elliot reached Melinda and Olivia took her son in her arms.  
Mel: Elliot! How are you? What happened?  
El: I'm fine thanks, but I don't know what happened, I was with O'Halloran checking on some points when I heard the explosion. It came from our squad. I ran there to see and found Fin running down the hallway too. I did not see Munch or Cragen, I hope they are fine.. I wonder how many colleagues have been hurt...  
Liv: I saw Munch, he's hurt but someone helped him to exit. A new colleague I guess, never saw him before.  
El: Liv, you should go home now, it's not a good place for Mathew and the less we are here, the better the firemen would work.  
Liv: Yeah, I know, I'm worried about Cragen, and...  
El: I call you as soon as I have sone news, ok?  
Liv smiled at him: ok, please call me, she said in a low voice.  
Elliot understood. He smiled at her and looked at her full of love: I promise.  
Liv: Mel, you should go too.  
Mel: Yeah, and I'm sure this news will be spread everywhere and I bet my daughter will look after me. I go. El,...n  
El: Sure, I keep you informed.  
Mel: Thanks.

Olivia had been at home since few hours now. She had fed Mathew, bathed him and was nearly to led him to bed as her cell phone rang.  
The ID showed "El". She smiled but felt her heart beat a lot and hands turned to moister.  
Liv: El, what's up?  
El: The firemen finally had the fire and all the remains will be cleared soon. We'll have to find new offices for few weeks.  
Liv: and Cragen?  
El: He's fine, fortunately he was talking with Huang further when the bomb exploded.

Liv: The bomb? It's sure?

El: Yes...Evidences of a bomb were found...

Liv: Who was the target?  
El: ...Apparently I was...  
Liv: Oh my God! El....  
El: It's ok, Liv, I'm ok....I'm just....  
Elliot sighed heavily  
El: Liv...Carson died in the explosion, and 3 others are strongly injured at hospital....I was the target and I'm fine...  
Liv: Don't fell guilty El, you know this kind of thing can always happen, as cops we know it..  
El: Yes, we know but it is different when it happens...  
Liv: Do you want to come here ?  
El: I don't know, Liv....I'd like to, but....  
Liv: Just come El, you need to talk....we need to talk but first, you need to talk about today, and...just come and sit here, take a drink...please El, come. _She paused_. I need you by my side.  
El: Ok, let me change and I'll be at yours within one hour I think, ok?  
Liv: 'k..

Elliot arrived few minutes later and knocked on the door. Olivia opened it and they looked each other in the eyes for a moment.

El: How are you doing?

Liv: I'm fine…

He followed her inside of her flat. She turned to him and said:

Liv: El,….I don't know what happened in the precinct, but….

El: Do you regret?

Liv sighed.

Liv: El, …it's just that….

El came closer and looked at her straight in the eyes….

El: Olivia Benson, are you telling me you did not feel anything when we kissed? Are you telling me you have so feelings for me? Are you telling me what I saw in your eyes was just fear to lose a friend? Are you telling me you let your son to Melinda and entered a building in fire just to make sure your FORMER partner was well?

She could not answer.

El: So, tell me….

She was still looking in his eyes, she could not make a move.

El let his hand on her cheek and stroked her lips with his thumb. She closed her eyes, trying to control the fire she felt inside. She felt his lips on hers and after few seconds of hesitation she let him kiss her and they deepened the kiss. He held her close in his arms and she put her arms around his neck, their bodies against each other. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her so tight so that she could not escape. They were enjoying a passionate kiss and nothing could disturb them. The building could have been destroyed under their feet they would not have heard a noise. Finally they broke the kiss and they looked at each other, smiling. She let her forehead on his, opened her mouth to speak but said nothing. She smiled.

El: What ?

Liv bit her lip and looked at him: El, ….I love you.

He smiled at her and kissed her gently on her lips.

El: Liv I love you too.

He kissed her

El: I love you and I want to be with you now not as a friend, not as a former partner, I want to be with you….

Liv: Me too.

She kissed him.

Liv: I love you so much Elliot….Can't believe this is happening! Ouch ! El !

El: What ! You said you did not believe, I wanted you to realize this is all real.

Liv: That's what you gripped me ?

El laughed : sorry…. He leaned his head to kiss her, but she bit his lip and they together laughed. They kissed again but this time the kiss led to touching and slowly he let her hands under her top and began to stroke her. Her skin was so soft… he could not stop but touch her. He wanted to know each part of her body. She moaned under his touching and began to unbutton his skirt. They slowly, softly, tenderly took their clothes off and made their way to her bedroom where he laid her on the bed. They made love to each other as if nothing else mattered. They had finally admitted their feelings, they finally had the right to confess, they finally had the right to kiss, they finally had the right to be lovers, and they didn't want to let the chance pass by. Their skins were burning by feeling the touch of each other and as they together came to heaven they were interlacing their fingers, as a proof to each other of their love, as if they wanted to share everything until the end, as if they were only one. They kissed again and felt into sleep in each other arms.

By the morning Olivia was awaken by Mathew who was calling her. He was jumping in his bed, his little hands were holding the bed and he jumped with saying as he could : "Mum mum mum mum mum mum…."

Olivia smiled as she heard him and turned to El who was still sleeping. She kissed on the cheek and got up to take her son.

Liv: Awwh…big boy….are you hungry? Some come with me Mummy will prepare you breakfast….

She took her son in her arms and went to the kitchen. With Mathew on her left arm she grabbed the baby cup and poured milk in it.

El: Hi!

Olivia was surprised, she turned to Elliot.

Liv: Did we wake you?

El: No, I felt I was alone in bed…

Liv: Sorry…Mathew called me for breakfast.

Elliot came closer and kissed her on the lips.

El: It's ok, I understand. Hey you, little boy! How are you?

Liv: Well, I'm hungry, so nothing else matters than my breakfast….

Elliot laughed.

El: Yeah, you are right little man, breakfast first! Liv, do you want me to cook breakfast for us?

Olivia looked at him in the eyes, she smiled at him.

Liv: Yes, please.

They smiled at each other and El began to open the fridge to grab some eggs while Olivia sat her son in his chair. She smiled to herself. How strangely life can change. How life can turn into a happy way. How she was happy now. She had now a life as a mother, as a woman who belongs to the love of her life. She could never be happier.

THE END…


End file.
